`~*love is like a piece of art work.

2008-01-24T19:46:00.000+08:00

agghhh!! nyi's gone(thanks darling for the early morning wake up call, so much appreciated) after calling me and whinging that he's at the airport alone. i love him, but not so much to go there and be with me. i'm evil. i just spent the entire night with him 2 days ago. he's so spoilt. he really should learn that some girls need their beauty sleep. anyways, i'm breaking out in pimples. like this whole load of them started sprouting out of my face, it looks so hideous, i am not even motivated to go out. anyways, without nyi, pretty much my life is in dire straits. so pretty much for the next month or so, it would be hanging out with the girls, watching tv, work, work, work, and maybe find someone to fix my lights, although didi suggested we go for the gothic atmosphere(using candles, and probably burning the house in the process). anyways, nothing much has been happening. just waiting for gail to pass me my macs(totally addicted to filet o fish and apple pie). i need to sleep in order to get up early tomorrow to go to work.

tejjy better call before he goes off. AAGGHHH!!! i miss nyi already..

:(

ps: and luke is going off tomorrow. aaaghh..really someone should shoot me. i'll be so lonely this holidays!

2008-01-23T03:41:00.000+08:00

just got back from nyi's. overall today was an adventure for me. other than the fact nyi went on 250km/hr on the freeway which nearly sent me to a cardiac arrest, the night was pretty fun with loads of laughter, teasing, drinking and catching up before we all go our separate ways. wells actually, only tejjy, nyi and i will be leaving. tejjy will be doing a course with southern cross uni and i will go on to the joondalup campus, nyi will be going up to curtin and the rest will be in ecu. nevertheless, we made a pact to meet up at least once a month to catch up on all the goss. i can't believe holidays are starting. exams have never been more hard, but i reckon, a credit would be fine. anyways, couldn't resist a camwhore session with my favourite people in perth. wouldn't be there without them. prior to the drinking session, tejjy and i caught up at a gelare and ate there(waffles were for half price!!) and we sat there and watch the world go by till nyi called us to make sure we'll be going over to his place. anyways just talking to tejjy and realizing how much he has grown over the year i've known, made me proud to say, he has matured! and i can never be more proud for him. i love you tejwinder singh!

anyways, just a few pics of our gab-drinkfest at nyi's crib(alll the way in murdoch!!)

where would i be without them?

the maniacs

karen and tejjy

and i love him so, even when he speeds at 250km/hr with me in the front seat with him, yup, i still love him.

my crazy crazy drunkard(look at tejjy! he's practically overpowering them! he's like the eiffel tower!!)

honda sports(josh), mitsubishi lancer sports(isk's) and honda civic sports(silver, nyi's)

couldn't resist a camwhoring moment

darling texting away to his friends in burma! he's going back in 2 days!!

words can't express how much i care for them both

my boys chattering away in the kitchen

:)

2008-01-21T18:12:00.000+08:00

with tomorrow's exam, i'll go into the gym with the best of luck and god's blessing because something tells me i might end up screwing it up. i didn't mug or burn any midnight oil, but instead, i prayed, i prayed like there was no tomorrow. i'm always so religious when i need a favour from god. i really should stop doing it. lol. but anyways, after this shit, i work full time till uni starts in march! BLEAGH!!

countdown till rach comes down: 20 days

extremely thrilled! can't wait :)

xoxo

2008-01-19T03:46:00.000+08:00

the empty bed, the broken heart, the uncontrollable tears, the mixture of feelings and emotions, the oppressive days i endured. 2 weeks and still counting since the presence of my sister vanished into thin air. it has not been a bed of roses, no doubt, but the decisions that came to an end were overwhelming. the wall, that used to be my protection to shield me from the vulnerability from the world has dissappeared. the feelings are still raw. the decisions are fresh and if she did come back, i'll only embrace her with open arms. letting go is hard. the decisions made are hard too. if its meant to be, its meant to be.

i miss my sister.

Sally Owens: [cuts her hand] My Blood.
[cuts Gillian's hand]
Sally Owens: Your Blood.
[smacks their hands together]
Sally Owens: *Our* Blood.
-excerpt from Practical Magic, 1998- Sally Owens and Gillian Owens

2008-01-17T18:32:00.000+08:00

going thru first year of uni was the best! i'm telling u, summer school has just started, had my first test and i scored full marks. WHAT A WAY TO USHER IN THE NEW YEAR! i just hope this year would go by breezily and smooth sailing. no bumpy roads, thank you very much.

ok. starters. today, 40 degrees. all i want to do is put on my bikini and jump into my sister's pool. but on second thoughts, maybe i should jump in naked. its that hot, so much so, the airconditioner has been turned on(to the lowest temperature only making it the coldest house in WESTER AUSTRALIA)and i am DEFINITELY, POSITIVELY DEFINITELY GETTING AN AIRCOOLER! yes i know it cost a bomb but i'm stifling in my room- restless, sleepy and definitely on the heat! i need to definitely get an aircooler, to get my beauty sleep. without the pool, i've been having long ice cold showers(i'm quite terrified to see my next water bill). but don't worry to all you pool-less people(that includes me), jessiepoop is definitely getting a pool this weekend (or i'll be permanent resident at gail's place!).

secondly, i had a brief preview of how my textbook looks like. so i browses thru my booklist, to my dismay, one of the book cost $400(brand new) and second hand would cost about 100 dollars less(meaning, terrible condition). so i've decided to be a cheapskate, and reserve the book in the library. and guess how thick it is? 4000 pages! my god, i thought it was a bible. (if i did buy that book, i will keep it like a bible!) man, that book is so heavy, i'm scared to get a slipdisc or worse, hernia if carrying it. looks like i dont have to pay 80 bucks for gym anymore. all i have to do is to deliberately go late to class(my psychosocial science) and on that day, i'll run from home to lecture with that heavy textbook. will definitely develop some serious muscles(watch out HULK!!). i tell you, i'll definitely lose 4kgs at the end of the day. wahwee! can't wait for uni to start(notice hint of sarcasm!).

anyways, might post up photos of gail's chateau. yess, lazy jess is getting off her feet to be more productive. this was taken on saturday and sunday! di, prince and i were so eager to see my sister's new chateau and as the french would say "magnificat!". it was beautiful. 4 bedrooms plus a kitchen and 2 sets of living room, 2 backyards, a sauna, a jacuzzi in my sister's toilet, a sauna and a pool with a water feature. i tell you, when she told me i can come stay over anytime, i thought i died and went to heaven. its a bit far from where i'm staying at the moment. i just can't wait when rach comes here, gail you watch out, cos we'll be regular visitors. anyways, let the pics tell the story of the house. whilst there on sat, the whole pacheco clan came, jose's parents and nieces came over for a swim and barbie(bbq). i love spanish bbq, seriously! i love it, hands down! i have to give credit to Mr Pacheco for his masterful skill in roasting the meat to my taste (well done!) and Mrs Pacheco for her delicious spanish flan(caramel custard cake!). i tell you denise and i went home that night contented and glad that we starved that whole afternoon. prince stayed overnight and i reckoned he loved it, cos jose's nieces stayed the night too! anyways, i shall stop talking!!

gail and her lil niece jassy (notice dora! ever since she introduced me to dora, i've been hooked on to them!)

gail's peeved with me because i've been asking her to get for me 6 cans of lemonade(that was how thirsty i was after eating 2 filet o fish meals)

the first round of dinner. dezzy,hiacin, jazzy and princey! the adults had to wait, so whilst the kids were having dinner, di and i decided to sit by the pool and have a glass of wine and she had a ciggie. coolness.

my 2 fave girls and my baby boy!- hiacin,jazzy and my babi-boo prince

denise and angie(gail's sister in law who came to pick the kids up that day) leisurely reading kmart and coles catalogues respectively!

gail was telling jazzy to lay off my chocolate milkshake. but too bad, i let that kid took too much of that shake. heard she was sick the next day. i'm such a bad aunt. lol

prince, when surrounded by three beautiful girls, couldn't resist a tummy rub! i love my babi-boo!

everybody meet pace(pronounced as patch!) gail and jose's lil baby!

meet my baby, princey-poo!

now i know why prince was not too excited about leaving the place. look at this backyard! its so big, prince went bananas there!

the evening sky at landsdale, gail and jose's chateau. spectacular~

gotta rush! meetin darling luke at grand cinemas to watch 27dresses.

loves all~

2008-01-15T17:11:00.000+08:00

if there's one word to surmise how i feel right now, it would be exasperation. honestly, i feel like i've been hit rock bottom. i can say i'm still in a complete state of shock and bewilderment. i'm just waiting for the truth to unfold to reveal itself.i'm just waiting for it sink in so i will be able to find an alternative solution instead of staring at the hard facts smacked right in front of me. and sometimes i wonder, do i really deserve all this unnecessary predicament? i really should include self pity to my list of emotions, since i've yet to feel like this since forever. everyone beckoned, and now, in complete darkness, i stand on my own, wondering, will i ever see the bright light at the end of the tunnel????

only god knows.

will post up pics of gail's house soon, but i'm in no mood to do it now. so au revoir.

2008-01-07T13:35:00.000+08:00

i'm totally head over heels with this song.

*in every dance, one needs a partner. my partner is right here -Richard Gere in Shall we dance.

goodbye singapore. good bye to all my mama doche sisters. i'll try to be back for my 21st, but if not, i'll see you at the end of this year. i love you all. study hard, and play hard too. :)

2008-01-06T21:09:00.000+08:00

my sister and i share a very special relationship. and although she's a year and a few months younger than me, she has always been more of the domineering older sister, looking out for me, being there for me. we've been sisters since forever. we couldn't depend on anyone. we only had each other to rely on. but this year, my life will change forever. the garden has grown and the most beautiful flower will be taken out to grow in a field. in all my 20 years, my sister has been my pillar of strength, my rock, my extra shoulder, my atm, the person who can crack the lamest joke when i'm upset and lastly the love of my life. and in just 6 months time, when she walks down the aisle migrating into the another family, i will never feel more alone. in 2 days time, she and her fiancee are moving into their new home. of course we(prince and i)will be there this sat to christen their 4 bedroom house with swimming pool and sauna.

its not rocket science that i'm depressed. nevertheless, i am glad she's transiting into a new dimension of her life. i'm selfish if i told her to stay with me and not get married. but sometimes in life, we have to let someone you truly love go. she has blossomed into someone beautiful, and jose is very lucky to have her. i admit, i will cry when she walks down the aisle, i'll cry when both of them exchange vows, i'll cry when she has her first dance with her husband, i'll cry when she says her goodbye to me before rushing off to her honeymoon. i'll cry when i come back to an empty house. but at least the tears i shed, are tears of happiness. i'll crave for company, i'll come back to singapore often, christmases will be different, names on christmas cards will be longer, there will be extra chairs around the table at christmas (maybe more angpows too???).

but she is my sister, she has chosen her path, and i guess i should accept it no matter how much i don't want to. my parents will be extra relieved though. you should hear the places they wanna travel, its as though they are both newlyweds. sometimes i think they only have one daughter. but that's ok, i like doing my own things. but i know when she leaves us, she'll leave us with a heavy heart. i know my heart will be heavy. Our family is a circle of love and strength. With every birth and every union, the circle grows. Every joy shared adds more love. Every obstacle faced together makes the circle stronger.

i'll miss my sister. and i will miss her badly when she moves out on tuesday. i guess, we both will go our own sweet ways. and i know my parents, though not right now, are feeling the pinch. dad has been asking me to work here in singapore after i graduate, i guess he too don't want to be alone. don't blame them. imagine how i'll be when i'm in that big house in australia all by myself. lucky gail gave me prince for my birthday, man, if she didn't give me prince, i'll probably have some words inscribed on my tombstone (should be like this)

MISS JESSICA AMELIA JANSEN
DAUGHTER OF PETER AND LIZ JANSEN
DIED: WHATEVER DATE
CAUSE OF DEATH: LONELINESS

but i wish my sister every luck, happiness and joy. cause i'm sure she'll need it.
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labour, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspoken memories?

gail this is for you

You and I must make a pact, we must bring salvation back
Where there is love, Ill be there

I'll reach out my hand to you,
I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I'll be there

I'll be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you, Im so glad that I found you
Ill be there with a love thats strong
Ill be your strength, Ill keep holding on

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well thats all Im after
Whenever you need me, Ill be there
Ill be there to protect you, with an unselfish love that respects you
Just call my name and Ill be there

If you should ever find someone new,
I know he'd better be good to you
cause if he doesnt, Ill be there
Dont you know,
Ill be there, Ill be there, just call my name, Ill be there

just look over your shoulders and i'll be there

-jackson 5

*don't worry gail, i'll sing that on your wedding day.

like ovid once said,

"I can't live without you or with you"

and that applies to my sister.

ps: positive thing about this marriage, my sister has to give me a very large sum of angpow on her wedding day cos of some superstition like the younger child shouldn't be marrying first. what the hell, who cares? as long i get the money, you'll see me grinning from ear to ear. LOL.

2008-01-05T16:16:00.000+08:00

i was just browsing thru the songs in my ipod. and i came across to this beautiful song, hands. the lyrics are exquisite and precious.

here is just a video of her singing live at the vatican. and below are the lyrics. just see it. beautiful.

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

2008-01-05T02:03:00.000+08:00

after 5 years, i've caught up with damien and he has changed alot- appearance, habits, behaviour, personality, and his drive for life.

damien arvind nair injected nostalgic memories in me. i saw my entire past flashed before my very eyes.

rewind back to the past, the last time i saw damien was on 2 sept 2003, our lunch date(actually more of a study date) at bedok mac's at 2.50pm. the only reason it was cut short was because my mum called me to say my grandmother was in her final moments of breath. i panicked, i had no money to take a taxi, and taking the bus would mean taking ages, and i didn't think my grandma could wait that long. so he gave me $10. i remembered crying, and he telling me everything would be ok. he hailed the cab and told the taxi driver to pick gail up from school and send me home. and that was the last time i saw him. we never contacted, communicated. we dissappeared from each other's lives.

but in nov 2007, he added me on facebook thru a mutual friend we both knew and we picked up where we last left off

i can't believe it took him 5 years to ask me out.

i miss him. i miss the conversations, his life in jc, his aspirations and inspirations of life, his crazy theories on bob marley and marilyn monroe, his political views on the education in singapore,his graduation and now, who would have thought that he would be out of the army in 63 days. i missed 5 years of his life. but there's one thing i miss most about him,

his charisma for life.

damien arvind nair, you may have changed in many ways, but there's one thing u have not change- your zest for life.

drinking session- soon.

jess out. xoxo

2008-01-04T11:15:00.000+08:00

tomorrow's party would be pretty cool.

this is just how much alcohol i'm bringing

2 bottle of moet and chandon vintage champagne
2 bottles of smirnoff vodka
2 bottles of jim beam
5 bottles of coke

total spent at jason's paragon liquor store: $400.

well done jess.

if i'm drunk tomorrow, its only because i deserve it.

like i told damien yesterday, everday is happy new year. and to usher in tomorrow's party, damien and i are going to drink till our hearts drop.

oh ya. the last few days i've been wondering where's hisham?

2008-01-03T09:25:00.000+08:00

happy new year to one and all. i hoped each and everyone of you ushered in the new year in gusto. i did not manage to stay thru the countdown at downtown east, so i did a mini lil countdown in my room, also my ears had to suffer when joakim gomez,nat ho and jade seah did a rendition of nelly furtado's give it to me, other than that, the countdown on tv was spectacular with fireworks and when everyone started counting down, my stomach went all topsy turvy, and the moment 1 was called out, everyone was hugging and singing- the typical new year's feel.

but anyhoos, this year, i figured i started out on the right foot, so i hope 2008 will be nothing but an adventure for me. my sydney road trip, my europe trip, my chronicles of being a undergraduate nursing student will commence, and of course venturing on a new job, widening my network of friends and cutting down my TGI-Fridays. lol. one thing i told myself to look out for, is my incessant alcohol habit. its either i stop now or drink less. so i chose the latter. a glass of wine, 3 times a week.

anyways, decided to pay my school fees next week. went into the ecu portal and had a horrifying shock. my school fees has increased drastically. last year, 2nd year students paid a thousand less. so all you international students studying overseas, this is not the time to play around. our parents (or some of you work for your school fees)work hard to put us thru such extravagant education. so show your parents that you acknowledge their hard work for putting you through this. just a glimpse of how much i(actually more like my parents) have to fork out for one semester. the currency rate now for aussie dollars, is SGD$1.28 to AUD$1. so do the math

other than that, i'm missing perth terribly. 4more sleeps till i go back and see my lil baby, prince.

xoxo

2007-12-29T19:16:00.000+08:00

compliments of the season, to one and all

lets just say, this xmas was a very fruitful one. i had a mega smashing time at aunty eve's, a rather quiet and peaceful xmas at godpa's and aunty gerts- reminiscing the good old times and watched a film of uncle clary's 80th bday which was filmed 10 years ago. just seeing myself so young at that time,made me tear. (i'm too hormonal). i managed to have a tete-a-tete with my gorgeous neighbour yasmine, eating almost every food in downtown east al fresco. i went to an ex colleague's hse for a xmas party and met up with all the old crew. ohhh zul, i'm so going to get that psp in mustafaa(LOL. YOU LAUGH NOW!!), don't worry i'll get the pink one. today, i spent my entire day at my grandaunty's, helping her around and updating my current life.

i guess the trip back here wasn't wasted. just a little update of events coming up in the next few days. tomorrow, i have my 4/1 class reunion at chijmes and next sunday, doris's 21st birthday :)

and i fly off the next week. time flies so fast. i just have to appreciate and enjoy whatever i have.

update more later. ;)

xoxo

ps: in case i don't update, i would like to wish everyone a blessed happy new year. party hard! embrace 2008 with gusto!

love you all always

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
-chantal kreviazuk

2007-12-10T08:03:00.001+08:00

i told him i'm falling in love with him.

i feel like a mixed up, confused slut.

i told him to leave his girlfriend to be with me.

please, someone call me, pathetique.

he said he will, but he can only do it next year.

and i told him

i'll wait.

ooo. i feel so mixed up, confused,angry,fearful yet hopeful.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

pls god, if you hear me, please guide me to the correct path, cos i know whatever path i take, it is my own.

2007-12-08T10:46:00.000+08:00

maxx last night was the best, especially since i've not spent my time with luke and carly for so long. we caught up on so much stuff last night, and i was, wow this has been ages, plenty of gossips and latests news. of course, we also ventured into politics,talked about K. Rudd and how we wants to implement new policies, and how J Howards diciples are upset with it. the way things are carried out so stupidly not because of the utilitarian view for "the greater good" but simply for some selfish reason which seriously is so ridiculous i don't even know how to react anymore. Carly couldn't agree more..anyways i don't want to go in depth into politics, cos i'll get myself into hot soup. but our conversations last night, was pretty interesting and intense. perhaps the party next friday, would be good cos it'll give me a chance to catch up with my friends. the music at the maxx was fab, playing only ministry of sound(my favveee). i truly enjoyed myself. thank you luke and carly, you guys are my crazy chicks.

i guess its time to put this hell i've been going thru behind me and venture out to a new whole world of possibilities, and possibly explore my options that are handed out to me. i don't want to look back at those sad, depressing moments. its time to seek greener pastures and sit back. plan again, i'm telling u with all this planning i've been doing, i could be anyone's personal organiser. but hey, i'm happy. so that's all it matters.

aahhh..xmas is just round the corner. lets see, another 2 weeks and 3 days till xmas. how exciting. i have not even thought of what to get my mum. hmm, i wonder what time shops open on xmas eve in singapore. if its open till 12, that leaves me time to shop shop shop shops shop!! get this, i'm only spending 13 days in singapore, or maybe less. rach is finally coming up to perth to study with me :)

rach+jess=party+sleepless nights+failing all our units=neverending friendship :)

yesterday i was depressed. today i woke up and told myself,

life goes on. so people can't help you? that's alright. don't brood about it. cos in life, you'll get people who care and people who don't. i'm just so unfortunate to have met people who don't. this is what i've learned so far.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon

2007-12-06T22:28:00.000+08:00

much awaited, talk about, everyone is paying attention to only one thing.

party at my place.

so far a handful has rsvp-ed and notified me that they're bringing people, who are bringing their friends. and as the days pass, i hear the number of people multiplying, meaning, i should start subtracting the people i invited. but this is christmas, and christmas means friends and family(wells my parents aren't here! BUT WHO CARES??!!)spending time together. and my friends mean the whole world to me.

i'm thinking, since i've spent the last couple of months party-less(focussing only on work and uni!), and i just rejected going to a party tonight, i guess, i should make it up to my darling friends and spend more time with them. and since you mean the whole world to me, i should probably start listing you guys (in no particular order)

nyi( my partner in crime)
karen(my mama doche sista)
tejjy(the guy who doesn't fail to make his life amusing!)
gracey(the crazy clubbing chick)
clarice(her glib tongue)
poh sim (she- she's my inspiration. she inspired me to do things at greater heights)
amy( who's in england now, and i miss her every so dearly.)
luke(my love, my darling)
lee (he stood by me when i was doing law as my unit. he was resourceful and helpful)
fia(my crazy chick)
achi(who finally managed to get into OXFORD SCHOOL OF LAW!! congrats sweetie! i miss you!)
jai(the guy who smiles in his sleep and sing like chad from nickleback. ur voice is exquisite)
muli(the person who saved me from insanity. who wakes up in the wee hrs to send me to the airport.)
lester (my teddy bear)
ngeh (my other crazy chick)
mun (my loveeee! i heart you munirahhh!!)
hussein (the only guy i know who understands a woman's needs)
akila (my man!)
karly (the eccentric girl who never fails to amuse me by bullying luke!! :))

and others who i have not mention, i apologise, but will always remain in my heart! there's just too many to list. and now i pay tribute to my subbie friends

dinks (my subbie buddy- the guy who saves me from crying cos of the onions,sending each other stupid videos and photos and saying the weirdest things and burning each other's skin with the toaster.)
b ( the person who listens to my rants in the morning)
kirra (the girl with the eccentric fashion. coolios babe!)
tamara ( her smiles is just so infectious!)
tristan (his jokes and the way he bullies kirra never made me stop laughing!)
elly (her blur-ness cracks me up!)
corrine (her matured advises always solve my problems!)
lynette (the way she deals with problems, inspired me to take up my current position! she too, was the only person who would listen to my shit)
suzie (the girl who would be sewing my xmas dress. my bus buddy!)
rikki(her laugh is so addictive. i love her!!)

i love you guys so much. without them, i don't know where i'll be.

next week would be pretty full on for me. i have my subway dinner at this pretty nice steak house in the city. plus, i have my dinner with my uni friends at some japanese restaurant, and lastly, the most-talked event of december, my party on friday.

its time that i let myself unwind and let my hair down(not like i have many hair to begin with) and par-tay like a princess.

i deserve it.

ps: its home on xmas eve. i'll be home for christmas

and MR BOSTON, you're my guardian angel, once more.

:)

2007-12-03T11:15:00.000+08:00

yesterday could not be any worse. i went for a vigil on sat night from 6pm till 8am. i didn't sleep the whole of yesterday because prince was on the heat(yes although he's a puppy, he's considered almost adult! and yes he gets turn on!), so prince was practically howling and barking cos he wanted some of it so i had to walk him to the field to take him off his horny-ness. well my day didn't end there.

i was spring cleaned my house, showered prince, cook for my sister and all the domestic stuff you can think of. i lacked sleep and my energy was practically wearing out by 4pm. muli came by and we had a talk. well from friends, we're now strangers. i mean, why come to my house to tell me that? i rejected him 4 TIMES!! CAN'T HE GET THE MESSAGE?? i just don't understand why can't we be friends? i am a girl, with emotions, especially now that i'm vulnerable and fragile, my emotions are whirlwind. so i was utterly upset, and didn't end up going to church. then my light had sparks. and before you know it, it came off from the ceiling and some of the ceiling plaster came off. i had to hold the remaining ceiling(the ceiling was made out of thin plaster, so if i released the light, the whole ceiling would fall on me) for like an hour. we had no power for that hour and a half. the first person i could think of was muli, so i called him to ask him to find an electrician. at first he was reluctant, and also he kept saying "i don't care. endure all the pain, then u'll know how i feel" i mean WTH! i was so desperate for help, and all those talk wasn't going to help me, so finally he went thru white pages to look for an electrician, he took bloody half an hour to find one, but the electrician doesn't work on a sunday night at 10pm so my sister called the fire dept.

whilst my poor hands was holding the heavy light and the ceiling for an hour, my sister was screaming at the fire dept to speed up(they were doing a briefing! what happened if the whole ceiling collapsed on me? I WOULD HAVE FUCKING DIED!!), my room mate was trying to calm prince down and muli said he was half an hour drive away. i didn't know what to do, what to think, i called my dad. i guess he was stressed too. he kept telling me to relax( i went ballistic cos i was losing energy!). i thought i was going to die. i never thought my stupid ceiling was so flimsy. stupid engineers should have constructed this house better and use cement or stone for the ceiling and there should be a damn beam to support the light too. an hour and a half later, the fire dept, muli and lester came.

after standing up and holding the ceiling, my blood wasn't circulatin well, i was on the verge of of fainting. luckily the lady fire fighter caught hold of me. agghh..in my mind, all i could think was, WHAT A FUCKING NIGHT! all the neighbours were out at 10pm wondering what was going on, kat from across the street came over. agghh! i hate it.

oh god. total bad luck. wells, i have a half remaining ceiling and a broken light. and my friendship with muli has disintegrated into thin air.

all i want to do now, is just go home.

this week has been nothing but bad luck(work,studies,flights,broken promises,rejections,health). i can't imagine the following weeks leading up to christmas.

2007-12-02T10:18:00.000+08:00

wise man says
only fools rush in
but i can't help

falling in love with you

2007-12-01T04:26:00.000+08:00

i feel so guilty. lately, i've been breaking too many people's hearts. i apologise if i upset you in one way or another. i totally understand, if you're upset with me and choose to ignore me. i'm selfish. i guess next year's resolution is to be not selfish. my priorities has all been mixed up at the moment and in a process, many have lost faith in me. well reality checks, i lost faith in myself too. i'm trying to search in depth of myself to find out why am i like this.

this year, for christmas, i'll do anything, to go back home to be with my family and my love.

that's all i want for christmas. god, if you're there, help me find a way.

xoxo

2007-11-29T17:34:00.000+08:00

i hate you muli sisala. you make my blood boil to the highest temperature. you make my heart as cold as a rock in the antartica. i cease to even talk about you now because you make me sick.

muli sisala, if you're reading this.

YOU'RE A DICK!

ps: i wished i had a picture of you so i can throw darts on your face. you truly deserve it. i swear your ass ought to be out of this country.

i'm so ultra angry, i can't think straight.

2007-11-28T18:36:00.000+08:00

i'm absolute peeved with the store owner of subway. i'm so fucking pissed, i just feel like giving her my flying kick. seriously, her ass should be flown all the way to timbuktoo. she gave me an ultimatum- either i leave for singapore for 3 weeks and get fired or two, i stay here and keep my job. first of all, let me tell you about my job. i've just been promoted to assistant manager, my pay has increased to a whopping $20 an hour( trust me, if you convert it to singapore dollars, that's like cash flying around your house). i'm barely a week into my new position, and she's finding a chance to fire me.

i work 30 hours for her everyweek, training staff doing paperwork for my manager and then she gives me this ultimatum. oh btw when she did that, she did it in front of all the customers, i didn't know whether to slap her or cry. i never felt so outright embarrassed in my whole entire life.

my flight was slotted for the 17th dec and waitlisted for the 11th, cos i thought i could accompany hisham for MCR but i guess all that's cancelled and I won't be going back to Singapore AT ALL.

wayne(the station manager at perth airport) called me and had a go at me(which i totally deserved) for cancelling the ticket. he was saying "jess, your father and i put our job on the line to see that you come back home in time for christmas. you have no right to call the ticketing office to cancel. now that this is a peak period, please be aware that you won't get seats on any flights till after new years, if u want to fly down."

i was so upset, i didn't know whether to shout or cry. i did the latter. so now i'm going to work my fucking butt off for cecilia(store owner) and hand in my resignation letter in january.

i apologise to everyone whom i made plans with. i thought i could be with you guys for christmas and new years, but i guess its impossible. i hope to come back next year christmas and i promise that i'll make the trip worthwhile. hisham, i'm sorry i can't go to the MCR concert with you. i know i promised, but under this circumstances, my job is important to me.

i love you guys and i know you guys are not that unreasonable to understand the situation i'm going thru. i miss singapore alot and i'll kill to go back home anytime.

especially now that christmas is just less than a month away.

2007-11-24T19:58:00.000+08:00

i just can't seem to compete with her anymore. YOU HEAR THAT?

i have officially given up!

you've won his heart.

happy now???

ps: what i need now is a few shots of tequila and loads and loads of happypills.

par-tay tonight.

fuck love people. fuck love. fuck you.

2007-11-23T17:38:00.000+08:00

i got back my marks for my semestral tests. high distinction for applied maths. i remembered receiving really mediocre marks for E maths when i took my O's. honestly, i would never consider myself mathematically incline. i did manage to tackle calculus and obtained a pass at Iona. but it was never a distinction though. me, as long as i pass maths, i'm contented. but a HD in maths at uni level? i thought i was going to fail(or maybe a zero). maybe God was being very nice to me? i love you god.

talking about thanking God. i received an email from pops. pops managed to pull a few strings with Singapore Airlines and it looks like i'm going home for christmas after all. Mr Boston(station manager of Singapore Airlines in Australia) is an angel for ensuring that i secured a flight back home. he just made the song "i'll be home for christmas" a reality for me. but pops, he's a legend. without pops, i would still be stuck here in australia, all miserable thinking of what they're doing for christmas.

pops, you're one in a million and the things you've done for me- funding my education from kindy to uni, my allowance (for retail therapy!), for giving me a sheltar, providing me my needs and wants, supporting my extravagant lifestyle(trips to halfway round the globe, my upcoming exchange program to france!!) and your neverending constant support (your presence at my concerts, recitals, competition, graduation, receiving my schlorships!! etc etc!!). i thank you daddy. i love you always always. and i can't think of any other words to express how much i love you.

my father, a legend.

:)

2007-11-22T20:16:00.000+08:00

latest update on prince

he's now 10kg(officially overweight). any heavier, he has to join jose on a fat free diet. so we're putting him on a protein diet. i think we've been feeding him way too much KFC (this is a hint gail. we should stop feeding him fatty foods). plus, he never fails to act like brian griffin. should really forbid prince to watch family guy. brian griffin is such an influence on prince- it scares me. anyways, gail and i decided to splurge on prince so we bought him his very own customized food bowl which costs us A$50(SGD$90). honestly now, i'm trying to figure out whether the joy of retail therapy or the immensely large hole in my pockets wins out.

i admit, our prince is spoiled. also, i've enrolled him in this prestigious puppy school (AUD$100=SGD$130 per lesson!). okok, maybe i'm going overboard with this puppy thingie.

the official princey bowl

engaging in an enlightening conversation with jose and prince.

our lil food vacuum cleaner

i've also invested on a harness. its so hard to put it on him cos he'll start biting me. i had to whack him a few times (after that i had to sayang him! which made it pointless! cos i never end up disciplining him!) to ask him to stay put but he just won't listen. finally did put it on him. he looks like some security dog.

cute.

i'm so maternal, it frightens me.

2007-11-21T22:41:00.000+08:00

hellooo to one and all. i have done a 32 hour work shift THIS WEEK and my back is breaking. however, i love work way too much than to reject those extra hours that B has given me. i've also been doing some managerial work like FAL orders and rosters just to assist B. we're doing good and B is great at being manager.

in the meantime, mum is presurizing me to do all this because she wants to open a subway here! it costs something like 50grand to open and she has to go for courses on how set it up. then we need to pick a location to set up our store. i'm so excited, i'm beaming with a big grin on my face. my very own subway!!! but first my mum and i have to sit a test to see if we're capable of running the store.

anyways, holidays are coming and guess who is going to the MCR CONCERT IN SINGAPORE??!!!! JESSICA AMELIA JANSEN IS! i can't believe i got free tickets. compliments to my beautiful best friend! a night with my b.f and screaming our lungs out. i mean its just too bad that i missed fall out boy but to miss MCR? that's suicidal man.
anyways, i know B is just jealous that i'm going for MCR. but hey B, you got to see avenged sevenfold when u were in canada! hahaha..so now we're even.

anyways, jose cleaned the whole house and practically decorated the whole place. our swing is fixed and our house is looking in shape. i'm just thankful that he's here now that we're going thru a hard time with gail. gail's not well at the moment, so we're flying her back to singapore soon. but 52A is looking spotless, prince is growing. i guess, this week, has been a blessing in disguise. we actually had a full family dinner twice this week- meaning all 5 of us sit around the table and chat about our happening in our lives (gail,denise,jose,prince and i). i love this feeling. it just makes me happy. since jose has been doing most of the cooking lately, i've decided to step in and learn abit of culinary. so muli, has decided to teach me (in exchange for my christmas dance!) cooking.

christmas is just shy of a month away. i can't wait to go home and spend it with my loved ones especially him!! i've always loved christmas and i guess this year, i'll try to do something special. i'm going to donate some money, bring some good tidings.

in the meantime, i'm trying to come up with a plan.

a PAR-TAY!!

:)

2007-11-21T00:54:00.000+08:00

love.

a beautiful feeling. to be loved by someone just brings a tingling feeling to your tummy. suddenly your tummy has been dominated by butterflies. and those butterflies flutter around, bringing around a bout of nervousness. and then your palm starts to get wet and you dry it against your bare skin. and then you start to stutter and everything you say just doesn't seem to make any sense. but you don't care because all you want is for them to hear you out. to be stupid like that. and then you regret all the things you've said and wished you had said something else. soon, your knees starts to shake like the gush of wind just blew past you. you want to stand against something big to prevent you from falling backwards or forewards.

love.

an undescribable feeling. all its data indicates infinite. you cannot measure one's love. the power of love cannot be driven away. but love can be expressed in many forms: poetry, sonnets, songs and the lists is endless.

to be consumed by love and to hinder whatever that comes my way is a great accomplishment. i am weak when it comes to love. i have yet to find my inner strength, but soon i will be. the nochalance of it just seems to set my whole world in a whirlwind mode. lately, i have been warped into love. thinking of him has been unbearable and it has come to my common knowledge that being with him, is close to impossible. however, it has not stopped me from thinking of what our future will be like together. its just so like me, to live in a fantasy world where everything is just perfect. but i snap out of it and constantly remind myself

nothing in this world is perfect

i want to make it perfect. i want to swallow my pride and go up to him and confess whatever i have inside me. but it is my stuborness that is getting in the way. or it could be my pride. and i ask myself, would i consider pride a fault or a virtue?

me, i'm in love. my affections and wishes for him has not changed one bit. the distance between him and i may sound absurd. but with faith and trust, i'm certain we'll pull through. i have faith and i am sure he too will have faith in this thing called

love.

2007-11-19T20:05:00.000+08:00

i was just looking thru my units for next semester and umm, seriously. it sounds harder and apparently, the units are much tougher too. and i am dubious about my strengths to whether i can withstand the pressure next year.

maybe i should stop work during the semester to solely dedicate it to my studies, and during the hols, i resume work? or should i cut down my work hours; so its like killing two birds with one stone, i still have money whilst studying. or should i solely depend on ma mere and mon pere for my allowance?

agghhh! i'm in a dilemma. i hate to be in this kind of circumstance. man, if i don't get my full 120 credits in year 2, i'm screwed for eternity. i can't go to france for my exchange program, and if i want to go back to singapore to study, they might not grant me the transfer.

then i might end up going to a poly!! which is ULTRA RIDICULOUS ESPECIALLY if i'm an undergraduate. and this same case happened to my friend brian. he aced his TEEs(equivalent to A LEVELS). he went on to uni here doing mass communications. then he decided to go home after suffering a period of homesickness. so he applied for a transfer and was not granted and now he's in NP doing mass communication when he's supposed to be in NUS doing the same course.

i don't want to end up like him.

screwed screwed screwed.

so screwed.

2007-11-18T11:44:00.000+08:00

whenever my sis is back from class and when i have the day off (meaning no uni and no work.) we always, when i mean always, i mean always, get up to some kind of mischief. and also to show prince how stupid his owners can get.

beginning: our hand in one-man gymnastics

end: we didn't succeed. my stomach was in the way and my legs weren't flexible enough to surpass my stomach.

whilst we were being stupid, prince was also trying to be stupid. he thinks he's brian griffin (for those who don't have an inkling on who brian griffin is, watch family guy. he's the smart ass talking dog!). whenever i scold him, he grumbles and whinges back. and when i try to carry him in the morning, he whines because he wants to be put down. i would like to say that he's striving for independance rather than saying i have body odour(its in the morning man! who on earth brushes their teeth in the morning??).

displaying prince's ability to sit like a true prince of the house.

and he standing on all fours on my piano box barking to the rest of the world on how high almighty he is. (he's beginning to show signs of domineerance at a tender age of 3 months and 3 weeks. puppies only show signs of it when they're a year old. sometimes i wonder, why on earth gail buys such a smart puppy??!)

2007-11-17T16:47:00.000+08:00

i can't go home.

i just can't..i thought i had a ticket but apparently, the flights are all full. believe it or not, flights will be full from DEC 1ST ONWARDS...

the chances of me going home is close to absymal.

i guess its christmas in perth.

going to be so screwed up.

i wish i could go back to singapore by boat.

2007-11-16T17:54:00.001+08:00

me can't wait for christmas.

2007-11-15T20:04:00.000+08:00

homebound- 14th december!!! so excited i cant hardly breathe. there are so many things i want to do in that short period. pay a visit to our zoo, to the night safari, bird park, all the musuems(heard the civilisation musuem is awesome). hmmm...but i wonder who will go with me? i don't think rach would be interested in all this and all my friends have uni..hmm..maybe i should drag hisham. hahhahha! i can so imagine him walking into a musuem. he'll be like "jess. this is boring shit. can we get the !@#$ out of here please?" hahahahha. i don't care i'm still going to drag him. heard that hisham?? u're coming with me to the zoo, night safari and bird park and all the musuems (so don't try to get out of it!).

hahahhaha...and i have to go shopping for christmas, buy gifts for everyone plus i have to help my good friend organise her 21st birthday on new years day! agghhh!! and i have to do all this in a short time of like 2 weeks.

aagghhhhh!!!

nevertheless, i count my blessings that i actually got a ticket to go home.

JOY!!

2007-11-15T16:04:00.001+08:00

muli came to uni looking like a farmer

hurhurhurhur

just had to say that. he looked so funny just thinking of it makes me laugh.

ROFL

2007-11-14T18:37:00.000+08:00

well we at subway are having this annual secret santa. meaning everyone put their names in the hat and we pick one out randomly and buy a present(not more than $50) for the person we choose. i got my manager lynette. so i did the process of elimination to see who got me

corinne has B
rickki has tenielle
lynette has corrine
b has susie
susie has kirra
kirra has dinko
i got lynette

so now

either tenielle has rickki or me or dinko has rickki and me.

i'm hoping dinko gets me because tenielle dissapearred the face of the earth and we're pretty peeved because we're entering a rather peak season, where every hour is precious(we're making amazing sales!! amazing sales=christmas bonus!!). and she dissappearing like that would affect our productivity rate and so forth. and with lynette in the hospital for appendicitis, we're down to a very minute number of staff.

plus, we're opening on sundays now.

anyhoos,i pray and i desperately pray that dinko got me.

2007-11-13T19:48:00.000+08:00

this weather is shittified, i am crying(whinging and whining) to go home. no amount of airconditioners or fans can rectify this shittified weather. today is 39 degrees- hot right?? seriously,i rather someone throw me in the deserts in the middle east then to face this open sky weather any day.

my fingers are itching to buy a swimming pool. not those really big ones just a small one where i can dip naked whenever the weather takes a toll on me. i'm so jealous of 21A. THEY ACTUALLY BOUGHT A POOL!!!!!! NO SHIT!! i was walking pass it this morning, and i was so overly tempted to jump into it (thanks lauren for NOT INVITING ME!!)

oh and lets see, the last couple of days, my menu for breakfast,lunch and dinner was

cold pineapples with frozen coke or smoothies( from boost!!) and vienetta ice cream.

and at work, i just feel like dying. the oven is uber hot and standing right next to it on a hot weather like today just makes it even worse. that's the reason why i try to avoid doing breads.

i hate the weather. i just want to go to boston fast and feel the cold weather brushing my skin.

ooo cold weather. come here cold weather.

ok gotta go. jose and gail got my dinner (KFC! it has been a long time since i've eaten kfc). adious amigoes hombres!!

2007-11-11T21:51:00.000+08:00

for you.

what makes this world go round?
will the answer let me down
as i sit in my room and wonder of my life
i now believe that my life has just begun
and i ask myself, what does my future hold?
its a story left untold
but i will make it through the days

do you remember how it used to be
when we were young and free?
you said to me
we were born dreamers
and from that day onwards, i knew you were my saviour
and i know our friendship had just begun

part of me questions why
part of me wanna know why is there sunshine and then the rain
part of me want to know why do we always have to go through pain
is it worth the cry?
part of me wonders why i'm here and you're all the way the other side of the world?
part of me wonders when will be our joy?
part of me knows that every conversation we have leaves me in laughs
part of me wonders why i'm here and then i'm gone
but i know that if we keep the faith, it will work out right

i sit here on my bed at night
thinking of the whispered words you've said
the touch of your skin, the ambience of the whole world on our side
you gave me life
as i slipped my fingers through yours,
promises made,
memories saved
it was a reflection rewinding in my mind.

one day i'm there
and the next day i'm gone
no matter what, tell yourself to keep the faith
and we will go on.
everything will work out right.

2007-11-10T18:49:00.000+08:00

i was just having one of my daily conversations with dad and we came across to one of our awkward topics. the future.

i was saying, since i'll be graduating at 22, i won't definitely do my masters or honours or whatever shit so, i've decided that i'll work here for 2 years, and then go to europe, work there for 3 years and return to singapore and work till i'm 30. i know you must be thinking. why 30? wells people, after having many thoughts, i've decided that will be the right age to marry and settle down and have kids. dad (well i imagined him on the other side of the world with his expression of a confused dog and his jaw dropping like a cash register) said

"is this jessica amelia jansen? my first born daughter? did she just say that she wants to get married? did she say that she wants to come back to singapore and work? well if you're not jess, my daughter, please ask her to come back to earth immediately"

okok..i see confused faces. see all my life, i've always wanted to remain single, i didn't wanna go thru the process of marriage, childbirth and yada yada. all i want is to earn big bucks, have a managerial job(hopefully that does not include big responsibilities) and wells, just living an extravagant lifestyle without worrying about children's education, their wellbeing, their upbringing and all that shit- it can be such a pain. but i guess all that changed. i want to walk down that aisle in my white wedding gown. i want to raise my children the way my dad brought me up. i want to pass down stories,values and morals to my children. i want to see them at recitals,matches,competitions and whatever comes around and be proud. my maternal hormones are raging as we speak.

and the part about singapore, wells lets just say, i NEVER WANTED TO GO BACK TO THAT SHIT-HOLE!!! come to think of it now, singapore is probably the safest place in the world besides heaven. besides everyone i love dearly reside in singapore and i just can't bear to be far from them.

overall, i didn't blame dad for his reaction.

i've grown up alot in the last couple of months. change of perspective, change of plans, change of goals, change of inspirations. but something stays the same.

my zest for life.

2007-11-09T23:18:00.000+08:00

semester 1

studious. jobless. slacker. determined. reigning alcoholic. party animal. drug addict. non smoker. caffeine addict. unfit to the extreme. sleepovers. missing lectures. full of anger. short attention span. habitual gambler. pro-catholic. always nagging at gail.

semester 2

studious. hardworking. workaholic. alcolic. no to drugs. no sleepovers. no parties. attends all lectures and tutes. walks dog. exercises. pro-tv. keeping the house tidy. nagging at gail less.

i guess not much has changed. see how time passes by so quick, bang! november! before you can say jack robinson, we'll be ushering in 2008. the list above is a quick reference of sem 1 and 2, and in my observation, not much has changed except that maybe i have a job and i'm not so much of a party animal. i've actually decrease my intake of alcohol(9 shots of jagenmeister and tequila) to a glass of shiraz( stashed in my room) every night (so if you guys see me high at uni, blame it on the shiraz). on the contrary, i've learnt to control my liquor.

don't smoke. don't drink. and don't do drugs. especially drugs.

maybe except weed. weed's good (okok! i'm only kidding!). wells, for all those who smoke, i seriously recommend vogue. they're skinny cigarettes- pretty expensive too but its worth the price. anyways, i guess, this post is pretty pointless as i just decided to list down the stuff i've been doing different from sem 1 to sem 2.

nothing has changed. and if people wonder why i've not been attending parties lately is because i've been busy with work and studies that i have absolutely no time to socialise with anybody.

maybe i'm really taking after my mum..

workaholic.

oh shit. i should cut down the hours i work.

2007-11-06T20:12:00.000+08:00

someone please assure me that i'm doing the right thing.

i pray i am.

this is crazy. deliriously crazy. i am insane

2007-11-05T13:45:00.000+08:00

the law is very clear. here in australia, sex with any minor(16 years and below) will be charged with statutory rape. i am not familiar with the singapore law, but i'm certainly sure that it would be the same. however, what happens if a 17 year old has the mind of a 15 year old and gives in to consensual rape? is that considered as statutory rape?

in another case in singapore, two secondary one boys were said to have had sex with a man who had given them mobile phones. police are still investigating the case.

when i was in singapore, i remembered broaching this subject with my cousin and good friend. both males, both are between 18-30. my cousin was going out with my junior who was 5 years younger than me, which, would make her a minor. if he engaged in a sexual relationship with her, and made her pregnant, he would be charged with statutory rape regardless or not she voluntarily wanted to have sex.

a few weeks ago, a girl studying at the same university as me was raped and murdered not far from my workplace(to be precise, 100m from where i work). police are still investigating the case. a few months ago, district attorney, Corrine Rayney was raped and murdered in a suburb and the killer dragged her corpse from her car to Kings Park where she was buried. both killers were never caught.

preposterous isn't it?

we're living in a world where evil conquers and we can't escape even if we try really hard to escape this montrous astrocities.

that's why, i have a dog. to protect me from this evil, senseless people.

an example of a rape case that i took out of Singapore New Paper, 1997

Before I type out the whole story, this are some facts to acknowledge the characters in this article.

The rape victim was a 15-year-old runaway Indonesian maid.

She had stopped his cab in Bedok and asked for help to go the the Indonesian Embassy as she was homesick and had no money.

He later brought her to a lodging house in Geylang Lorong 24, where he raped her.

Jurisdiction

Judge Choo found former driver Junaidi Arifin guilty of rape and sentenced him to 10 years' jail and 24 strokes of the cane.

Those convicted of rape face up to 20 years in jail and at least 12 strokes of the cane.

case excerpted from author CHAN SEET FUN

In an unusual turn of events, a rapist asked his wife to plead for leniency for him in the High Court yesterday.

A former CityCab driver Junaidi Arifin, 41, was found guilty of raping a 15-year-old passenger twice in a Geylang hotel last September.

When Judicial Commissioner Choo Han Teck asked him if he had anything to say before sentencing, Junaidi surprised the court with his request.

"It is most unusual but I will hear her," said the judge who asked if Junaidi's wife was prepared for the task.

Junaidi did not have a lawyer.

All eyes were fixed on Madam Hidayati Koithi, a 35-year-old production worker, who was sitting in a corner near the exit at the back.

After the court interpreter explained the situation to her in Malay, she got to her feet, still clutching her wallet and packet of tissue paper.

Amid stares, she walked up to stand next to the dock, where her husband stood handcuffed and shackled.

Through the interpreter, she said: "I hope your honour can be lenient with my husband because three of our four children are still in school.

"Since his arrest, I've had to work to support the children (aged three to 15)."

She said she has to pay $740 a month for their four-room HDB flat as her husband does not have any money in his CPF account.

She also has to foot all the household expenses with her monthly $900 salary.

She had just finished when Junaidi suddenly decided to speak for himself.

"I have learnt my lesson. And I promise I will not render any more assistance to such people (like the victim) in the future.

"I am saddened by your honour's judgment but I am accepting it."

Deputy Public Prosecutor Victor Yeo immediately asked for a deterrent sentence.

"He has not shown any remorse before this court, from the way he is mitigating at this stage," he said.

He cited rape cases where the guilty were jailed for 20 years or longer and also given 24 strokes of the cane.

Unnerved, Junaidi, who claimed innocence throughout his three-day trial, changed his tune.

"I would like to add that I am very sorry and hope to be sentenced to the minimum number of years.

"I'm truly remorseful and I regret what I have done. I promise I'll not do it again."

Judge Choo sentenced him to 10 years' jail and 24 strokes of the cane.

THE CASE

JUNAIDI led a 15-year-old Indonesian maid to believe he was kind enough to drive her to her embassy for free.

For trusting him, she got raped and may even have contracted syphilis. Junaidi has visited a Geylang hotel five times with various women and has the disease.

On Sept 24, Junaidi drove her in his cab. She even met his family when he picked up his wife and children from the hospital.

Then he took her to Geylang and raped her twice. Junaidi was arrested when the girl gave his taxi particulars to the police.

read over the case again, and decide if you think that he should have an alternate punishment for his selfish mistake or do you think the punishment given by the judge would be plentiful for him.

xxx

2007-11-02T02:46:00.000+08:00

i know this sounds absolutely ridiculous. and i know its ridiculous to share my most intimate thoughts on an online diary. but i have to blog this.

i had the weirdest dream. firstly i didn't graduate from nursing school because i went back to marry the one i truly loved. i dreamt that i had a family. it took me awhile to realise that i had kids. lived in a pretty much quiantessential house with a garden, and a beat up car. my husband(whom i shall not mention here) was fixing a pink bike for my daughter. he works as a store manager and i worked as a carer at a local nursing home. so with our combined pay, its certainly worth peanuts. but that didn't stop us from being in love with each other. not to mention our kids, who were simply amazing (a 2 month old son and a beautiful 6 year old daughter). the house, the car and the fact that we had to move out of the city to live in a suburbia area. that dream, it felt so real.

i only hope, that it would be a reality for me.

"When you got on that plane, I was sure it was over. I left the airport afraid I'd never see you again. And then you showed up the very next day. That was a good surprise. You know, I think about the decision you made... maybe I was being naive, but I believed that we would grow old together in this house. That we'd spend holidays here and have our grandchildren come visit us here. I had this image of us, all grey and wrinkly, and me working in the garden and you re-painting the deck. But things change. If you need this, Jack, if you really need this, I will take these kids from a life they love and I'll take myself from the only home we've ever shared together and I'll move wherever you need to go. I'll do that because I love you. I love you, and that's more important to me than our address. I choose us."
-Kate Campbell (Family Man)

maybe i've been sleeping way too much. i should probably cut down the hours i sleep.

2007-10-28T15:05:00.000+08:00

wells i'll be on hiatus for awhile. concentrate on things. pick things up where i left. and paul is taking me out for a holiday this december. and he's paying my ticket to the US. i said yes. so its massachusetts this december for christmas. and there's luke's birthday bash at the onyx( supposed to be very grand. 200 people are invited.)

so all you people. i love you. simon, i miss you bunchloads. will call u soon. immy, i'm missing you heaps. please do take care of that spine of yours. if time permits, i shall update. till then, adious

xoxoxo

ps: some pics that i've found deep inside my laptop. i really should upload it. :)

i so totally miss this sweetheart

this group of people mean so much to me. they saved me from my insanity moments, they were there for me when i needed them so much. they loved me for who i am. i love them loads.

2007-10-28T00:25:00.001+08:00

i know i should not be blogging but since i'm already here, i might as well do something. just so you know, my assignment is half completed, i have like 50 other questions to complete. anyways, spent the day bumming around. luke and ashwin took prince out for the day for a boys night out. prince came back half an hour ago and knocked out pretty fast. wondered what did those boys do, but it was good for princey i guess. and while he was out, i watched several dvds. it was a total no brainer for 10hours.

1)mrs doubtfire( my fave movie. a classic)
2)friends with money
3) the sweetest thing( cam diaz is amazingly hot in here)
4) autumn new york (another ultimate show to watch)
5)three to tango
6)family guy season 1
7)are we there yet (ice cube is cool)

now i'm so lethargic, i might wanna hit the sack now. oh btw, for all you guys in singapore, i'm hour and a half ahead of you because of daylight savings so take into consideration when you call me. i know rach has the habit of calling me in the wee hours of the night-so if its 10pm there, means its 11.30pm here and that means i'll be in dreamland.

that's about it i guess

xoxoxoxo

nights

2007-10-27T09:23:00.000+08:00

after having three weeks of holidays (well actually two weeks and the third week was a self declared holiday), i went back to uni.

and it was a BITCH!!

lecturers from nowhere started throwing assignments at me. and now i have to spend the whole weekend doing this shit assignments which is due like very soon. plus i have to study for an exam which is in 3 weeks time and i ain't prepared for it. man, i just want to stop studying and be a housewife. hahahahaha!

like being a housewife is so easy. but i saw an episode of desperate housewives, and it doesn't look that bad. maybe i should get a fat rich ass husband who can support my extravagant lifestyle. i always imagined my lifestyle to be this

a big car. preferably a toyota prado for a family car.

a big house. i stayed at mimosa walk for 6 years before moving to pasir ris. mimosa walk was nice but if you had kids to care for, it can be a real anal. my poor mum had 2 maids to maintain that house. well i don't really mind staying in east coast since i'm more of a east side person.

tanah merah kechil house

and i want my kids to be partly educated in singapore and australia. for primary education, my daughters will go to st.anthony's since thats my alma mater and my sons will go, to which whichever school my husband went to (unless its a shit sch, then we might have to reconsider). and of course i'll ship the whole bunch of them to australia when they're 16 cos that was the age i was shipped off to gain independance.

and i want a good dog, like prince.

sighs, ain't i a bit to ambitious? ok maybe i'm over ambitious. but hey, that's why we have dreams. so that we can work towards them and achieve them. like martin luther king jr once said

Now, I say to you today my friends, even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: - 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

-Martin Luther King Jr., Speech at Civil Rights March on Washington, August 28, 1963
US black civil rights leader & clergyman (1929 - 1968)

ok so now its back to completing this assignments in record time. 2 days. hahahahahhaha. like i would so totally get this shit done.

i'm a jackass

have a good weekend kiddos!

2007-10-22T14:54:00.001+08:00

wells i must say, i had a pretty fun time in singapore despite my spastic cough and irritating throat. this short holiday had taught me something. friends and family matters and they will always stand by you no matter how much you're going thru. i'm glad to catch up with all my etp friends and my cousin daniel(whom i have not seen for yons!). i also managed to overcome my pathetic fear of riding pillion. it really took nerves of steel to get over it plus of course, i had to ask hisham to go easy on the roads. it was an amazing experience other than the fact he kept pressing on his brakes to give me a heart attack. ;)

leaving singapore wasn't hard as i thought it would be. i thought i was going to bawl, cry and whinge but i didn't do all that. i mean, i wasn't too keen on coming back to perth but for some reason, i didn't act up when i left. i hugged pops like there was no tomorrow. spent two hours in the departure hall talking to hisham (on my mobile) and of course, there were a few tears rolling down my cheeks as i wouldn't be seeing him till december but other than that, it wasn't like before where i would cry in front of everybody and make everybody miserable. perhaps it was the thought of me coming back in december.

wells, i wanna thank all for sacrificing your time to call,sms or spend the day with me. i had fun and i look forward to seeing singapore once more.

:)

ps: singapore has changed so much! its becoming busier but nothing beats like seeing the beautiful lights of singapore from the sky when the plane took off. it was spectacular.

2007-10-18T23:50:00.000+08:00

had a very fulfilling day. after resting for a couple of days, i finally had a day's out. started with lunch-ing with brandon and then crapping(and annoying and merajuk-ing) with hisham at century square (he's an ass cos he won't hug his music buddy of 2 years in front of kfc. wanna know the reason? he is SHY!!!) anyways we headed towards downtown where we enjoyed a very hearty dinner with my cousin dan,gail,jon and rach. afterwards hisham and i decided to catch up with some of the etp crew(we knew). now, i'm back home with only a few days till i return to perth. :(

ooo..and i finally managed to overcome my fear of riding a motorbike. i thought i was going to get spasms(or high blood pressure) when i was on hisham's bike, but i felt good. hahahahha..

wells, i'm still sick and coughing like a dog.

have a good night :)

2007-10-09T00:03:00.000+08:00

had my midsemester exam results back. and its looking GOODDD!!

ps: this results ain't good for me cos i really hate this crap course.

2007-10-07T23:18:00.000+08:00

for the last twenty years of existing on planet earth, never have i have done some soul searching. i just cannot seem to comprehend some things in life like

1) why do people die?
2)why do people so deeply devout themselves to religion
3) why do terrorist succumb to religion as an excuse to frighten people
4) why should abortion be the only answer to a problem if a woman is pregnant
5) why is money so important? so much so, it has started to take over love

today, i sat down and reflected on the above questions. i admit, i have been protected from the outside world for way too long. i know better that at 20, i must have accomplished certain target goals.

so i'm 20. finished high school. currently in university. i've travelled almost halfway round the world. sure, i too have my rebellious side. clubbing, drinking with my mates and hooking up just became a regular mantra for me.

until friday morning. bam!

the abortion clinic.

woke up at the crack of dawn. embraced myself and reminded myself to be strong and not let my weakness get over me. the drive from my place to the clinic took forever but despite my nervousness, i was still famished. must be the nerves that really took a toll on my stomach. reached the clinic,my room mate had to remind me to keep it cool. after all, we knew the reason why we were there(not that any of you should know.) young girls say about the age of 16, were already resulting to aborting their child. 16! when i was 16, i was having the time of my life. i was in the stage where fun was everything. and when i mean fun, i mean healthy fun not unprotected sex fun. but those kids, they had everything placed for them, for their future. how could they destroy their own happines and lead a life of regret and guilt?

the atmosphere in the clinic had a bleak feeling. suddenly, i felt utterly depressed. i was too sick to talk, i want so much to cry and the motion in my tummy wasn't helping either, i wanted to throw up. but i was determined. 4 hours there was a mental torture for me. who would have thought, i survived the whole ordeal. came home and for the next 3 days, all i did was sit in bed and moped. poor everyone who was around me had to deal with my mood swings.

that was one horrible experience i would never wish to relive.

i just hope to all those young girls out there who are on the brink of womanhood. think twice when having unprotected sex. why kill an innocent foetus for your mistake? do you want to live your whole life with regret and not knowing that, that child of yours could be your only salvation in life? would you want to be guilty for murdering your child?

ask yourselves this question and reflect. after all, look up to reality and realise the mistake. that child was brought into this world for a reason. it was not for you to kill.

today, i move on. i guess there are some things that i just don't understand.

and i guess i never will.

xoxoxo

2007-10-02T21:49:00.000+08:00

well guess what peeps

jess is going to be an aunty!!

oh yes!! i'm actually thinking possible baby names. so far, i've chosen a few names that i fancy.

girl

emily
elithia
sehra
zarah
dominique

boy

ethan
steven
hugh
daniel

aaaghghhh!!! baby fever! i think everyone in subway is catching it!!

anyhoos, update on the puppy

prince is growing. 3.1kg. he's so adorable and fluffy now( thank you pedigree milk!!). his biting phase has not wear off so its kinda frustrating me at the moment. he has definitely marked his territory around the house but once he starts getting naughty and when he merajuk, he'll start launching into his temperamental mode and start pissing everywhere. but other than that, he's a sweet heart and he'll be a beautiful border collie when he grows older.

well have a good night u guys.

*dream a lil dream of the jess*

Prince Jose

2007-09-26T21:45:00.000+08:00

i have been having sleepless nights. i'm getting grumpier by the day, my voice has reached top decibal and my patience threshold is reducing every minute of everyday. i think i've done more exercise in the last few days, its good enough to last me for a life time. entertaining a puppy, who is somewhat like a child who cries at night and whimpers when you leave, is just so emotionally draining for me (and for luke! who is such a good father, i must say!!) i go to work half asleep counting the ticks till i get off work to sleep.

but at the end of the day, when i go home, my lil sunshine just bring a huge grin to my face. and no matter how angry i am towards him, he'll still jump on me and will bark at to hold him. and when i cuddle it close to my heart, he goes off to dreamland

he's my lil sunshine. he's my everything.my lil prince

2007-09-18T22:29:00.000+08:00

tomorrow after the performance, is party again.

this time muli is going to be there. oh thank god! :)

2007-09-15T17:08:00.000+08:00

finally, after a long long time, we finally had our lil girly talk!! its so cool talking to her after a long long time. i miss her. as usual, we would have our serious talks, and then a quick launch of arguing sessions and ending on a subtle note because i have denise's birthday party to plan.

fadzlin, you number 11! i miss you always always!!! you'll always be my honey bun!!!

2007-09-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

omg. nyi and i have spent the last 3 hours doing this

1) talking to each other on the phone for 10mins of every half an hour
2) going in to the internet to research (nyi was looking for porn!)
3) entertaining friends (i entertained luke)
4) chatting (i called hisham and immy!)
5) doing our assignment which is supposedly due tomorrow

its 1.11am and i've done 860 words and he, 20 words. and we're both stuck. we're going to go down big time.

HEARD THAT NYI? WE'RE GOING DOWN!!

i'm going to hit the sack.

xoxoxoxoxo

2007-09-10T18:06:00.001+08:00

i am utterly furious with my parents. after having a not so heart to heart talk with them last night, i just had half the mind to slam the phone down on them and go to sleep. you can imagine what we argued about.

music

last night, i was offered a job as a lounge pianist at sheraton hotel. prestigious eh? wait, till you hear the incentives. i get these benefits

1) AUD$300 (SGD$400) a night (from 6pm till 9pm)
2) A contract for six months
3) i get dinner and free drinks (means alcohol!!)
4) i get superannuation (which is something like cpf!!)
5) a cab fee (so if i take a cab to work, they'll pay for it!!)
6) i play five times a week.

when i heard all those incentives, my eyes flashed dollars and my mouth just went CHA-CHING!! i was so tempted to just say YES YES YES YES! i finally have a job which i am totally passionate about!!

so i told my parents about it and you can just imagine what came out of their mouths. it was so totally UNEXPECTED! like my dad was like

"music is not a skill. it won't provide you any source of income in the future." and yadayadayada. if i had to remember everything he said last night, i would just flood 52A Cornell Parade now.

i was so upset, infuriated and just so dissappointed. how could he say things like that? so i went on to say

"but this would be a good shoo-in for my scholarship to julliard or rcm. i hate nursing. u know i hate it, and you make me do this ridiculous course which i have no passion in" and yadayadayada

and obviously, dad had a comeback

"jess. if i find out you take that job, i will not support you financially. you'll pay for your rent, your school fees and your allowance"

okkk..i did not see that coming.

so i caved in in a very whiny tone

"finnee..whatever. its not like i'm going to stop nursing and go straight into music anyways. when i graduate [from nursing], i'm going to fuck off from here and go do music. i don't need your money. i'll go scout for sponsors or maybe apply for a scholarship. i am quite capable on handling it on my own thank you very much"

ok. two things. one, i should not have said that in such a haughty tone and 2, i totally regretted saying that. i guess, in me, there's some kind of hidden ego that just wants to explore the outside world. however, i was very ashamed of myself at that moment.

i'm just so worn out now, that my heart is falling into pieces.

i guess a part of me realises that some dreams which may seem possible to reach are just too impossible to achieve if you don't have the right people to give the appriopriate funding and support. i guess i need a certain kind of faith to believe that what i am doing now would be something successful in the future.

as of now,

my dream is so near yet so far.

xoxoxo

2007-09-06T10:05:00.000+08:00

mid sem test in 2 weeks and i'm partying every weekend or if not, i'm procrastinating. i'm lazy i know. i don't need any reminders of that. anyhoos...new pics from sophie's farewell dinner!! i had a good time and such a good dinner!! :)

contented like a small baby gurgling for milk!!

ooo did i mention i have two hermit crabs? they're name after my two best men

luke and akila!! hahahahah

i love my two hermit crabs to bit!! they're boring creatures but they're such a joy to me(that is!!)

xoxoxo

2007-08-30T10:31:00.000+08:00

i want to go back to singapore so badly in novembre for my mam's birthday.

see, my pops work with singapore airlines, and part of the benefit is, my sister and i, each get two free return tickets annually. so this year, i sort of exhaust my free tickets, so dad has to pay a discounted ticket for me to go anywhere in the world. so he gave me an ultimatum

1) i go on singapore airlines and pay for the discounted return ticket with its original fare being $1000. however pops can get a discount ticket for me for like $400.

2) he will fund for my ticket back to singapore (without paying him back!) but i have to go on to tiger airways.

oh good god. tiger airways. that's like fast track way to a quick death. i'm 20 and yes i have to admit i'm very SPOILT. i've sat on business class, first class and economy class for the last 20 years of my life. my ass has never touched a budget airline seat in my life. and i wouldn't want to risk my life being drastically cut short.

besides, the prices are appealing but the journey back to singapore would be hell. why does dad wanna do this to me? i wouldn't even mind booking brunei airways and transitting in brunei for like 7hours! who the FUCK CARES?!!!! gosh, just thinking of me on that tiger airways flight, is making me shudder to death!

please! i need some assurance that tiger airways, ain't that bad and that i will go home safe.

so much for surprising my mom for her birthday :(

xoxoxoxoxo

oooo..see the ridiculous prices (down below) on board tiger airways. apparently you don't get food served on board the flight. you have to pay for the food. no wonder i'm paying such cheap ticket. this is PROPOSTEROUS!!!!

2007-08-27T07:49:00.000+08:00

keane tan! u're an ass! how can u not remind me to go to metro's on friday?
see lah because of you, i can't see sammyface! hahahahhaahha..now all i have is the ticket u gave me and its resting and collecting cobwebs on my refrigerator door.

anyways, friday's at karen was smashing. i had loads of goss. hahahahaa..it was small and there were many many UNKNOWN people there. i had no choice but to succumb to that small space. nyi was so smashed that he fell asleep on my shoulders for an hour. man nyi, u're hell heavy! and when i wanted to leave he grabbed me so tight, i almost thought i was going to see GOD for that second. tej and karen had to persuade nyi to let me go. i love nyi loads but seriously, at that time all i wanted to do was hit him hard and ask him to bugger off. tejjy, being the sober one in the party, drove me home right to my door step. i love tejjy munchloads. well see the pictures, they tell a whole lot.

nyi carrying me :)

l-r me,karen,nyi and tejjy

i love sofia and grace

l-r clarice,karen and mooney(that his real name babeh!)

the "alcohol-lics"

clarice and grace

2007-08-24T18:32:00.000+08:00

luke's right. the crows in australia are the size of dogs.

yucks!

haircut

2007-08-23T20:12:00.000+08:00

alright. i cut my hair. i didn't shave it but i just cut it short. alot of people were making comments like

"gosh! jess! why did you butcher your hair short?"
"jess! what happen to your beautiful hair?"
"jess, you look like a pixie"
"i have a son now!" (that was my father making that remark)
"jess, its too short"
"oh my god!" [and then my manager starts stroking my hair]
"i love it. its sassy"
"its sexy. you suit that hairstyle"
"puurrrrr! verryy nice (in borat voice)"
"what made you do that?"

and quite frankly, i'm sick of hearing questions and remarks. just leave my damn hair alone! hahahaha!

well let me show you my haircut. its not that drastic. imagine if i shaved it all off? i reckoned you would have fainted.

lol

its not that bad right???

ps:

watch I PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY. it was hilarious, it left me laughing in stitches. i recommend it.

2007-08-19T20:57:00.000+08:00

the only guy who would stick his finger down my throat to make me puke. luke fern, u are DA BEZ! <3

the mess

me puking

my chad kroeger and i. when he sings nickleback's faraway, my heart melts!!

i was trying to smile at 4 in THE MORNING( i was so smashed)! but yet everyone still wanted me to cut the cake! i love my friends

jai all alone!!

candid photo

my sister and her boyfriend kurt

i love this picture sooo much

jai, nyi and karen drinking first

i love my sister to bits!! :) (she took a sick leave to be with me!!)( my seventh shot! looked at how red my face was!!)

jess, denise and yasmin

gracie, win and poh sim!!

my dad and i arranged the candles! looked at how pretty it is! :)

charades- pre-party

luke entertaining me with his gayness.

i must say my 20th birthday party was a success. however, i slept 4 hours during the party because i was so wasted. 21 shots of pure bourbon and whiskey did the trick. luke and denise were helping me puke and i must imagine them looking at my puke with such disgust. however, people were singing, flirting, busying being pissed drunk, kissing(hahahhaha!) and sleeping. started at 8pm and ended at 4am. i guess the epitome of the birthday party was my parents. they surprised me that morning. they flew in from singapore after a hard day of work to surprise their first born daughter! pops and mumsie were so supportive of my party, and mum played hostess whilst i was sleeping.

first of all, i would love to thank nyi and tejjy for running the party and organising the drinks( the drinks weren't enough so nyi had to rush out and buy more!!) and the lists of invitees. i especially want to thank luke and poh sim for taking care of me during the party and making sure that i wasn't going to get out of denise's room tipsy and making a fool out of myself. however, the very person i would love to thank is denise. denise has helped me in every way possible. she patrolled the whole place to make sure everything was up and running and no one was making out!! i knew she had work in the morning, had to follow her friends into the city after work and then clean up the mess after the party. you're a godsent denise and honestly, you're the coolest room mate ever! i heart you sooo much!!

lastly, i would love to thank my parents, without their consent, this party wouldn't have been in operation and a success. they kept to their promise by being in their rooms and sleeping. mum of course played hostess and she was great! :)

lastly, and i mean really lastly (it won't go on, i assure you!), thank you to all those who attended.

grace
ashwin
chris
kurt
akila
tejjy
nyi
mitsu
grace
karen
win
luke
yasmin
poh sim
jai
denise and gail

i love you guys all so much! and my birthday was a blast. let the picture speak for itself :)

ps: i know deborah didn't turn up for the party. but thank you deborah for being there for my 20th birthday and thank you for sacrificing your time to be with me(although i know you had an important project to finish!) but thanks for your company and your treat to the movies. i love you so much my dear! :)

and thank you all for your wishes.

2007-08-16T12:54:00.000+08:00

she just doesn't know how much i'm hurting inside. sometimes, i wonder if life is worth living for?

i love her too much.

2007-08-12T11:35:00.000+08:00

taken on the 9-8-2007

leading up to the day i turn 20, is quite scary but yet i'm anticipating a joy ride. perhaps be more girly and eloquent and stop being so timid and shy. i've decided that since, i'll be hitting the milestone, i wanna change my appearance. not too drastic but just a bit to commemorate the year the big 2-0.

i have plans for my big 2-0 like taking up french classes, get over my phobia of driving and travel around the world (most preferably the seven wonders of the world!). first of all, i'm taking a solo trip to gold coast in september, then following that, my dad and i are going to bali for my birthday trip and soon after, i'll be in france where my career and the rest of my life would fall into place. i love singapore- believe me. australia is fantastic, considering i've spent the remaining half of my teenage life here. but perth, is just a big hole. its not even a hole, its a pothole. its boring, there's no life, its too country-like. which on the other hand,is good. i dislike being in a place where there's just too much hustle bustle.

like today is sunday, if i was in singapore, i would go to church, and then go to work or if i'm not working, i'll be catching up with friends and eating out. but sunday here is different. i'm in my house, watching tv, enjoying the weather, and a few friends will come over to chill out, have a cup of tea on the patio. its similar to the english lifestyle, but i love it.

but at the same time, i love singapore, i love how efficient and effective it is. going to places where there's excitement and of course singapore provided me with everything i want - good healthcare, fantastic government and the infrastructure of the whole place is just superb. i too miss basking under the singapore skies and just having good fun with my friends.

2009, france. i'm not sure what the outcome would be like. france is a beautiful country. i won't be staying in paris but i'll be staying the outskirts of france, near the alps, where during winter, i can go skiing everyday minute of everyday.

next step, relationship. sad to say, after my failed relationship, i don't think i have the courage to go through anymore than i need to. i love to be in a relationship where i can love someone and have him love me back in return. the feeling is just bliss. however, not many know, that the person i love is at home. and of course, due to me being out and about, he thinks that being in a long distance relationship would be pointless. i don't blame him, but one day, i pray that if he really does love me, then hopefully we would be together. keyword- HOPEFULLY. he's a wonderful guy, he makes me laugh, he made me feel that love is the most wonderful feeling in the world, and just being around him, makes me feel secure. and when i left him, i finally found the meaning of this quote

absence makes the heart grow fonder

its a wonderful feeling.

as for my family, my parents are very pleased we(my sister and i) are out of their control, so dad goes to the sports club and play scrabble three times a week(he still won't retire) and mum goes to work longer than usual, or if not, she'll be going to spa four times a week. and they go on long holidays like france and god knows where else they would go next. the last time i heard, they wanted to travel to fiji. lol.

well i guess my plans for the big 2-0 is pretty much very simple, nothing grand. i won't even want to have a birthday party, just a simple gathering with a few people i love dearly (which of course, my other dearest friends are in singapore!!!!) and what more can i ask for?

i have people who care, love and provide me with the security that i need. and i love them bunchloads. and i am absolutely grateful.

have a great weekend

2007-08-11T00:12:00.000+08:00

all i needed was

-a sister
-terrible weather (but i love the rain!)
-luke and poh sim
-good conversation (although it may contain some crude jargon)
- a movie (that wasn't very crappy)
- good dinner where deb, gail, yasmine and i laughed silly in this little japanese restaurant
- and a home where my room mate denise, is farby the best person to live with (although she has to put up with all my shit, but so far, she's handling it pretty well!! xoxo)
- my comfortable bed

i'm ok people. i'm just a bit tired, but i'll live on. thanks for your concern.

xoxo

2007-08-09T09:23:00.000+08:00

i had enough of lies, hurt and deceivement. i should have opened my eyes to all this. but i was a little to late and i should have had realized it sooner.

he hurt me in every way possible. i don't wanna think of him, i don't wanna see him and i don't wanna talk to him.

and i don't love him anymore.

end of story.

2007-08-04T20:48:00.000+08:00

Cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss, cannot love each other
Must be strong and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone

Cannot dream, cannot share sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel, must pretend its over
Must be brave and we must go on, must not say
What weve known all along

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone

How can I not love you

When you are gone

isn't the lyrics gorgeous? i was watching ANNA AND THE KING on foxtel and as per usual, jess created a little bedok reservoir at cornell parade. its so romantic, touching and it teaches that woman can be as smart as man and man should not demean woman because of their capabilities. guys, watch ANNA AND THE KING. Also it was pretty comforting when i watched it, because i saw a few of our singaporeans actors acting in it like lim kaysiu, lim yu-beng, neo swee lin, deanna yusoff and etc. And all of a sudden, PANG, homesickness came into me. i really need to get myself immuned from this homesickness shit. i've been here for 4 years and yet i can still feel homesick. SIGHS!!!~~~~

it turns out that my aunty is coming on my birthday. so much for going home.

i need to exercise. i feel so unfit to the extreme. the last time i ran or exercised with full strength was in sec 4 and that was the worst part of my secondary school history. thank god i graduated fast!

i'm so missing singapore now especially pasir ris beach..

sighs i miss the sun. i have yet to feel HEAPS OF VITAMIN A on my skin. the sun here is pretty dodgy. its not even sun, u can't even feel the heat lingering on your skin. its just there to shine. like wth right?

i need to study but i can't be bothered. thought i could do all my assignments today. bah hambug! i doubt i would be able to. maybe i should snooze for a bit and wake up and then do them.

hahahaha..i bet i will

i lead the most boring-est life. anyone wanna compete with that?

2007-07-29T17:06:00.000+08:00

the girls at 52-A Cornell Parade

he and i sharing a candid moment (:

we painted the whole town red

the onyx was pretty happening last night. it rocked. i spent a total of $110 worth of taxi fares. but the end result was pretty good. good music, good drinks (hell the predrinks were happening! kurt you're the best!) and good company (i love you LEE!!!). pictures above will illustrate how elated i was. there are still shitloads of pictures but sophie still hasn't downloaded it!

enjoy your weekend peeps cos school start this week. FUCK!!!!

2007-07-28T07:44:00.000+08:00

well the plan i drafted out wasn't panned according to what i wanted. this was how i spent my whole friday

friday

-woke up at 7am, went back to sleep
-woke up at 8am, found out i was going to be late for the 9am lecture
-speed shower, left the house
-took me an hour to get to uni
-went to the lecture, found out it was finished (SIGHS!!!!)
-lepak with luke and poh sim at the cafeteria
-lepak with hussein,luke poh sim, grace,nyi and varinder (the other people came during their break!)
-lepak at the library with akila, karen, tejjy and STEVEN
-made a racket in the library and found out, SHIT we need to go into the city
-left uni at 1pm to go into the city
-karen, tejjy, poh sim and i waited at the bus stop for like an hour
-went to eat ado sushi (best jap food ever!!!)
-went to window shop
-karen,tej and poh sim and i went separate ways
-poh sim and i headed to BORDERS to collect my book and i got a free beanie OWL!! (so cutteeeeeee!!!!)
-then we went to the bra shop to buy bra, found YASMIN RIVIERA there!
-so we all headed off to the train station where poh sim went off to work and yasmine and i headed off to the clarkson line in the miserable weather.
-stopped off at joondalup
-caught the bus and came home
-called immy in singapore after he booked out from camp for like an hour
-had dinner
-watched HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL
-SLEPT

very boring YET detailed day right? this proves that i lead the saddest life. lol

today's agenda

WORK
WORK
WORK
WORK
nyi will pick me up at SHERATON
off to the ONYX.
leave ONYX at 1am to meet kurt and the rest at THE RISE.
go home at 2am. that's the life babeh!!

let's see if this plan will go through. hahahhahaha

have a great weekend guys! I <3 u guys loads

2007-07-26T22:58:00.000+08:00

what i did today

-went to uni
-lepak with friends
-raining like shit, but still lepak
-lepak again
-talked about terrorism
-lepak again
-hung around the lab for a bit
-lepak again
-nyi brought lee home
-nyi and i went out for dinner (we were meant to go to the city but mister took the wrong turn and we ended up at garden city thanks!)
-we talked shit
-went to coles to do grocery shopping when a group of youngsters were chased out of the store because of messing up the laundry aisle
-looked for nyi's car
-went to withrop to pick his lil sister up
-talked shit in the car again
-he brought me home
-now i'm at home on msn talking to hisham

well done!

i felt like i accomplished so much in one day

tomorrow's agenda

-meet pohsim
-go to uni
-print out a couple of stuff
-lepak with luke
-meet nyi and hussein
-test ride nyi's car
-meet the buyer for nyi's other car
-see if the buyer is hot
-go into BORDER'S to collect my book and maybe persuade hussein to get me the harry potter owl
-lunch with the guys
-watch the simpsons with the guys
-home

saturday's agenda

-work
-work
-clubbing (because i promised lee since last semester and i didn't end up turning up. so this sememster, i'll try to keep those promises! lee i love you, love you very much! )
-home- take a cab home

2007-07-25T05:44:00.000+08:00

i've always loathe being a woman. especially when i am on the verge of getting my period.

period cramps can be a real bitch.

god oh god! take this terrible pain of mine away.

2007-07-19T19:35:00.000+08:00

i know this sounds random, but a part of me just want to walk down that aisle and get married. seriously, i know i must be going looney(since i don't even have a boyfriend to begin with), but every girl dreams of being a princess one day right? anyways, i wanted to share with you a song. i wanna dance to this song as my first dance as husband and wife. its beautiful and read the lyrics, its just so lyrical and the words are so precious.

Peter Gabriel- Book Of Love

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings

2007-07-18T17:01:00.000+08:00

hello to all you good people! hopefully you guys had a good weekend. i know i did, i spent an hour talking to immy regarding all my problems. immy if you read this, i love you always (only because you're my fire fighter!)

anyways, here below are pics of my sis, my godsister,my godmother and i on my godma's recent stopover to perth (for like half an hour!) i won't see them till next january, cos jesso is going to france at the end of the year!!! (:

xoxoxo

2007-07-15T23:19:00.000+08:00

came across this email my pops sent me this morning. honestly, this poor guy should get married (or at least get engaged!) but this joke has got some meaning guys. it means that english is one helluva language that we need to integrate into our daily lives. english is a universal language, and if you can't even speak it well, you can imagine what will happen. please, brush up your english peeps. english is important and speaking good english will get you somewhere. (:

cheers and have a good weekend!! (:

xoxo

Hahahahaah.......

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore.
Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press
myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab.
I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long.
My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly.
I am playing hardly also.
Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast
baller.
Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running.
Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone.
I am jolly. I am gay.
Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft.
I am always giving respect to the ladies.
I am always allowing ladies to get on top.
That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits.
I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else.
Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything.
Daily I am pumping and pumping.
If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles
in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for
you.
I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only.
What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday.
That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my
house and take my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you
very hard every day.
In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim.
If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you
and press you until you come.
So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up
with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon

Yours and only yours
Choudhary Warraich, born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore,
Punjab

2007-07-13T17:59:00.000+08:00

hi i wanted to introduce you my dear readers my beautiful new room.

get this

i get my own bathroom, my own walk in wardrobe! and i got my own tv plus cable. i'm practically living in heaven at the moment! total bliss!!

(:

2007-07-11T01:40:00.000+08:00

what is the world coming into? by the way, this is a rhetorical question. just this morning, whilst we are all in beds, sleeping and embarking on what we would call, a magical journey to lalaland, seventeen school children were killed in an afghan blast. terrorists, suicide bombers?! what are they and who are they? what do they want from society? why are they always coming up with terrible plans and screwing other people's life? especially the innocent.

i know this is a very touching topic, and to some people, it can be really emotional. but honestly, why pray if the prayers aren't going to come true? religion has hit its epitome, where i think to myself, if we don't have faith and hope, should we still pray? despite praying, why aren't our prayers answered, hence feeling despaired and confused?

i sure am. everytime i try to find a solution to all my problems, i pray and seek for strength, but instead, the strength deteoriates. is this god's test for me, as part of our daily trials and tribulations? well hell, i think i'm failing those tests.

a few days ago, a good friend of mine called. and he was talking about three things

1) trust
2) confidence
3) hope

three attributes to get the conversation going. he thinks i'm not trusting him enough (when i so totally do!). secondly, he thinks i lack confidence, hence everytime i try to stand for myself, i falter (which is half true!). and hope, he hopes that i am happy with whatever and whoever i am, and he also hopes that he can be with me. (which i don't think we can because he'll be in america and i'll be here. and besides the feelings i have for him is close to zilch. i just love him as a friend and nothing more!). i felt for him. and out of sync, our conversation circulated on topics such as our life experiences, terrorism, love and hatred. very deep and intricate topics. and all i did was sat on the other side of the phone and reflected.

and i think,

what is terrorism?

wells, i have settled into my new place and i am ecstatic that everyone is settled in. its a bit big for the 3 of us, but its something i can call home for the next year. our constant visitors, lauren and katherine have been good company. this sunday, would be a mini open house, we're having cheese and wine! (:

my birthday is in exactly, a month and seven days. I HIT THE BIG 20. its a bit scary, because i'm growing older, this looks are going to change and i hope i'm going wiser too.

the life i'm leading is just so complicated and i wonder what is life?

is it worth living for?

xoxoxoxo

ps: have a great week ahead.

2007-07-04T14:43:00.000+08:00

well hello 52-A Cornell Parade. oh i so miss 21-B Lakeside Drive. But that's life, we need to move in some day! Alot of people helped us out. The weather was dreary and horrible but yet it didn't stop people from helping us out!

thank you bunchloads for helping my sister, denise and I. we totally appreciate the efforts!

i have to take new photos of my room. you'll be in awe of my room! and i'm loving it!!

well i got to go do my external legal studies essay!

i hate it, but i have no choice but to do it. this proves whether i can do a double degree!! (:

xoxoxox

2007-06-29T11:33:00.000+08:00

will you catch me when i fall?

will you stay with me forever?

i want to see you to make things alright.

i want to see you

-jessica jansen-

2007-06-28T07:54:00.000+08:00

no more drama this week. rach left. bobby left. however, if you guys are interested there might be drama in singapore. hahahhahaha

wells, i really felt the pinched the moment rach left. how is it possible to lose 2 people in a span of 3 days? everytime i come home, the house is empty. there's no one to talk to or laugh with. its like i'm all alone again.

yikes, i don't wanna go through this sympathy shit. i better start getting my act together. don't know what coming off me these days. i'm going from hardcore chick to super sensitive emotional girl. i'm degressing mate! degressing! but i better stop before i go down too soon.

anyhoos, life is back to normal. moving in out in approximately 4days. and we still haven't packed yet. but when we do, i'll show you pics.

have a great day people! look forward to blogging again!

xoxoxoxoxo

2007-06-25T08:46:00.000+08:00

the beautiful view from my house. the path that leads to everywhere i need to go. lakeside shopping mall, work, uni and lastly, that was the first route that i took when i first got here.

as you can tell, from my last entry, i haven't been blogging since forever. it wasn't due to sheer laziness (trust me!!), i guess i was too busy, that i totally forgot to update on the happenings in my life. well's i'll start with thursday

thursday

i had work. but i was so sick, i so i got off work at 3pm. rach and keane went to watch the Silver surfer at grand joondalup and from there, they went to Govinder's to eat! they even brought home curry for me!! whilst they were having a rendezvous, i was ironing all the clothes and suffered a burn. i was watching home improvement on tv, and one of the guys said something funny. so for obvious reasons, i laughed, but i kept rocking myself forward and backward until the iron dropped on my hand. hahahah...painful ok! i wanted to cry! after that, rach and keane came home, and then we met herchuan and we all had a drink at Grand Boulevard Tavern, just for fun. So we ordered 2 pints of beer, herchuan and i ate kebabs (which still rates the best!!) and the night was just filled with jokes and laughter and herchuan bullying keane! then gail joined us for a drink and a smoke and we walked to the latest coffee place to order some coffee. the night was good. keane walked us back to the train station where we caught the taxi and he caught the bus. overall, the night was the best. best night ever (:

friday

i had work till 3pm. went to get the present for bobby's farewell and rushed home. we all dressed up at 9pm to go to burswood. my intention was to gamble and win. rach, gail and the rest were going to the ruby room. jessie, my sweet love, drove us to burswood because it was raining, so practically we saved taxi fare of $78. bobby and keane met us there cos they were coming from kinross. after meeting them, i went to the slot machines (won about $4) and bobby and rach followed me to the roulette table where, now, i want to thank rach and bobby, thank you for telling me which to bet. your suggestions has made me a great amount of profit! i heart you guys so much. then i took a break and we went to the ruby room to club/dance. by the way, i didn't drink any liquor. good on me eh?? i have decided to stop drinking because woman who drink don't look GLAMOUROUS (oh i love fergie's new song!!). but after when the rest were really into sync with dancing, i went down to gamble again! after all that was the reason why i was at burswood in the first place. lol

they danced and i gambled all the way to 4am and we caught the taxi home. dropped keane at edgewater and the rest of us continued from there. poor bobby got to pay the whole taxi fare($78).i wanted to pay, but the stupid taxi driver didn't except nets, and i didn't have any cash on me!!

anyways, so bobby went home to pack(he's leaving for good!!), gail, rach and i went back to rest. but i couldn't sleep so i went on msn to ask keane to teman me. gail and rach slept like pigs and even when i tried waking them up, they didn't barge. man, such heavy sleepers. so i watched a couple of movies from foxtel. keane had to sleep early because he had a early flight to catch. then i remembered bobby's keys so i went over to his place to pass him his keys. as you can imagine, i practically bawled when i went over to his place. at 6am, i was crying my eyes out. but he was so nice to offer me to sit in his room. so as from 6am till 9am, i teman him, helped him packed his stuff, talk crap and lastly to say goodbye to him. i felt really sad because only he has helped me through first sem at uni, no matter how much he detested my guts, he still went the extra mile to make sure my sister and i were safe. guys like him don't really exist anymore! he's so one of a kind! and now, who is going to send me to the bustop? who's going to wait at the train station at 11pm at night when i come home? who's going to pick me up when i'm in trouble? and when i go clubbing, who's going to carry my stuff? who's going to listen to my childish crap when i'm down? sighs, bobby san, no matter how much we loathe each other, i need you lah dei!! hahahahhhaha

but its ok, if rach does decide to date bobby, then i'll see them both in september or whenever. hahahahaha..IF rachel gives bobby a chance lah (which i hope she does!)

sat

nothing much, pretty much slept after packing bobby's stuff. it was raining so bad, the wind gushed so bad, we couldn't get out of the house due to the weather. it was so unpredictable. however, we still manage to go to Lakeside for our last minute shopping.

sunday

rach and i went to freo. did our last minute shopping. because she's leaving today for singapore. lucky woman!! i would kill to go home. deborah is coming in exactly 5days time. so that's great i guess. i'll be working non stop till i die (figuratively). hahahahah..but rach and i had our dinner at an italian restaurant (La Porchetta at freo). then we took the train back and taxi home. yesterday was a great day.

today.

nothing much. going to do some last minute shopping. rach is going home in a couple of hours. i'll pretty much be going home to iron some clothes, get ready for work tomorrow. but i guess things will be resume back to normal. i was just telling denise last night whilst cleaning up bobby's room. that now the drama has ended, our lives are now so boring. there's no tale to tell? even denise agrees with me. this drama has kept us sane for so long. i know it has, this whole 3 weeks was a test of personality, character and just how much a friend would do for another friend. i know it was one horrible experience to go through. but it was worthwhile.

i love 21B Lakeside drive. it holds so many wonderful memories for me. even though i'm moving out next week, i'll still come back and visit. after all, this was the place that has gotten me through my first year at ECU.

xoxoxoxo

2007-06-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

i want to make this moment mine, but i lost the moment.

now i've looked in the mirror
and the world is getting clearer
everything revolving around me is just the matter of time
but time has left me alone
please don't go so fast
i'm missing the moments as it pasts

i'm down
down on my knees
i'm begging for all your sympathy
but you, you're like an illusion
you don't seem to care
please help me like you help people everywhere

i've looked in the mirror
and the world is getting clearer
a day, would you give me
please know, that i'm learning
its a way for me this time

i shouldnt have known better
i shouldn't haven't wasted those tears
in the mornings and afternoons and thrown them away

now, this is my time
and i'm now going to make this moment mine
i shouldn't wasted this days
i should have taken what you've given me
look at the mirror
see my world getting clearer

this is a time to say,

is this the time?

i'm glad we talked things out, but i guess, only time will tell how much i feel about all this. will you figure it out before you leave??

ps: sometimes the person you trusts most can deceit you at your darkest moments. they pretend that nothing has happened, their actions speaks out the whatever they feel. sometimes, paul's right. trust no one.

sometimes knowing nothing at all is better than knowing at all.

only time will tell just how much i will take to heal. i've been hurt once too many times.

2007-06-17T21:40:00.000+08:00

I need time. love. Joy. I need space. I need me.

Say hello to the girl that I am! You're gonna have to see through my perspective.I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am. And I don't wanna be so damn protected. There must be another way. Cause I believe in taking chances. But who am I to say? What a girl is to do? God, I need some answers.

What am I to do with my life? I will find it out, you don't worry. How am I supposed to know what's right? I just got to do it my way. I can't help the way I feel. But my life has been so overprotected.

I tell 'em what I like.What I want. What I don't. But every time I do, I stand corrected. Things that I've been told. I can't believe what I hear and see, I realized I'm overprotected.

I need time, love and space.

THIS IS IT

I don't need nobody tellin me just what I wanna
What I what what I'm gonna
Do about my destiny
I said
no, no
Nobody's telling me just what what I wanna
do, do
I'm absolutely fed up with people telling me to be

Someone else but me

I can't help the way i feel.

2007-06-17T09:05:00.000+08:00

pictures of a few people who are in my heart. the last picture, is of a road. that road is very important to me because that road leads to my workplace, a place of haven and the university, where education is vital for my future and lastly, it leads to a place where i can go home to seek comfort and refuge.

despite of what has happened in the last week, i still love them very much.

the man in my life who stood by me when alot of shit has happened. my dad.

and this is where i stand everyday.

now that everything is over, i can finally concentrate on what i want for the future. i want to revere in life. live life to the fullest. firstly, top of my list, the student exchange program to france. my french exams are at the alliance francaise which should be in 2 weeks time. i've got to ask pops to mail over my french dictionary. so far, i'm alright when it comes to the vocabs and sentence structure. however, my conversation in french is horrible. last christmas i spoke to my french uncle in french, and i swore it sounded like i was speaking gibberish. so i have to brush up on my aural skills.

next, work, oh good lord, gokul is working with me. i just feel sick that he is working with me. oh thank god, i didn't pick a fight with him, or else, we both would be in trouble. however, i might quit subway innaloo and find other subways or other jobs that is closer to home.

gail, denise and i are moving in together. just down the road. ahahahhaha..we would be saving taxi fares! we're just going to use the shopping carts to bring our stuff over. kat and lauren will be helping us out, which is awesome!

i start my course soon, and i'm still stumbling over which units should i pick. i'm totally clueless but so far, i have 2 units similar to LEE, which means i have a friend i can speak to. wonderful! i heart lee. lol. i think gracie and i are in the same stats class (which is great!!). karen and tej, i think, are moving on to second year next semester. oh the sadness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'll miss you pepeks so muchhhhh!!!!!!!

TODAY i'm going to live life and moved on. put the past behind me. i just don't want to recollect whatever has happened the last week. it makes me sick to the stomach and i reckoned it made gail and rach awfully stressed out too. however, rach wrote to me a beautiful letter, and i felt sad. she was supposed to be having a good time. not a miserable time with this old jess. she came here to keep ole jess company. i feel for her, but the remaining weeks she's here, i'll assure that she has fun. i'm going to take her out to movies, to scarborough, to hillaries, to subiaco and freo. maybe i might pop over to iona just to show her my ex-boarding school.

so far that's it. not a very huge agenda, but something i hope to accomplish in this short period.

My dad tells me this everyday,

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.

and i smile when i read that in my sms. every morning without fail, my pops would send me that. and he'll always call me and say

"i hope my first born would have a glorious day today!"

i love my dad, my family,rachel, my enemies, my friends, the love of my life, my neighbours(including bobby- despite our differences). everyone has contributed some way or another to amuse me at times, fight with me but yet they taught me to live life. to treat it with respect and dignity. and i'm going to do that.

thank you to all who has made me realise that life, is something worth living for.

have a glorious sunday and week ahead!!

xoxoxoxoxo

2007-06-16T18:05:00.000+08:00

like you, i'm just as tired as you are about all this. this has been blown out of proportion. i reckoned i've apologised too many times. i'm absolutely fed up with whatever had happened. everybody had a part to play, so no one is free from fault. i admit, i've been a bitch. whatever. that's who i am. but just so you know, i would like you to meet my other half of me, the bitchy part. and frankly speaking, be lucky that you're going home. you wouldn't want to be stuck with me. listen, you want to put everyone down, do it. if it makes you feel happier, then do it. if you think i'm a bitch and you want to pollute my name as well as gail's name, do it. i don't really care what you do. if you want to call me crazy or whatever adjective you can come out in the next twenty seconds, do it.

to me, you are still my neighbour and you've done wonderful things for me. you know, if you have something you want to say to me face to face, just say it. don't keep it in you. when i challenge you to come and talk to me, don't say "WHOOAAAA I'M SO SCARED~~~" you are scared, because if you aren't, i would have seen you at my place last night or this morning. but like i said, i'm tired of everything.

i'm glad you and keane got out your differences and are friends again. after all, that was what i wanted and i'm glad you guys are friends again.

what more can i say? today, i am off this. i don't really care about what happens after this. i can't say it on behalf of gail, because its gail's life. but if you do speak ill of my sister and call her all sorts of name, you'll be sorry.

with love,

jessica

ps: hisham love, good luck with your performance. i'm your number one fan!!

GOOD LUCK HISHAM!!!!!!!
XOXOXO -JESSIEPOO-

2007-06-15T20:22:00.000+08:00

HI EVERYONE. SINCE BOBBY, MY NEIGHBOUR WANTS TO EMBARRASS ME, I WOULD DO THE SAME. TIT FOR TAT. EVERYONE WHO READS MY BLOG, WELCOME. LET ME INTRODUCE A FEW CHARACTERS. FIRSTLY,

K IS KEANE
J IS JESSICA
CRESENT IS GAIL
STAR IS RACHEL
D IS FOR DENISE
59 IS ALL THE BOYS WHO ARE FROM SINGAPORE
MY FAMILY IS BOBBY'S FAMILY

I AM UTTERLY UPSET WITH YOU BOBBY. AFTER ALL I'VE DONE, ALL I WANT IS FOR THINGS TO RESOLVE, BUT YOU MADE THINGS HELL COMPLICATED. BOBBY, KEANE MAY NOT CARE ABOUT THIS. BUT I DO. AND I KNOW DEEP INSIDE HIS HEART, HE DOES FEEL IT TOO. DON'T YOU EVER INSULT GAIL. DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT. AND AS FOR RACHEL, SHE'S MY LIFE. IF YOU TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME, YOU WILL BE SORRY.

BESIDES, SHE CHOSE ME OVER YOU

YOU LOST.

ps: please excuse my neighbour's english, you might need to take awhile to actually figure what it means.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

excerpt from http://www.21yearsofliving.blogspot.com/

it's kind sad... in fact, it's very sad... things have be very complicating recently...

between me and K:
best pal in perth falling in love with the same girl... i thought that would only happen in movies! =.=" apparently not... we had our arguements... harsh words we used that hurt each others... I have already apologised to him as to whatever inappropriate words that i had used...

Despite of the fact that we knew it is hard to go back to how it was b4 and how much we kinda dislike each other.... we were still trying to friends... until tuesday, when he told star something which is incorrect... now that star expressed herself to me that she doesnt trust me anymore... it breaks my heart... i asked keane for the msn chat log and found that i didnt actually said something like that...

i'm sure he didnt meant it that way... he just dun quite understand the situation and has interpreted what i said wrongly... but the fact that he made this happen... I really find it hard to do anything....

between me and J:
me and jessica arent exactly in a good relationship. she forbid me from seeing star... twice! when she did it for the first time, I have to actually talked to her for 3 hours... just to convince her that we can be good friends + i really wanna see star... she asked for a hug from me (so i gave her one) as a sign of "harmony"... she also said that she will support me for courting star...

well, guess i was very wrong about trusting what she said... obviously, she doesnt like the fact that I give my attention to star instead of her; and star's attention to me... she basically gone hare wired again and forbid me to see star again! then she will claimed that it's for my own good (by doing that, i will concentrate on my studies????)... and she feel pity for keane because keane didnt get the chance to go out with star... then she will say that star causes all these problems when she is actually who has been interfering with all the stuffs... =.="

god knows what she wants... i dun think i can trust her anymore... believing her in the first place was obviously wrong...

between me and crescent:
I dunnoe what to say about crescent... she's a nice person... but no offense, i know her too much... she can lie about alot of things (although not confirm)... for example, I dun think she is a princess... also dun think she's 28...

She is really supportive of me going out with star... adding on to that, she is a really good friend to be with when you want someone to talk to... but well, i also dunnoe how much i can trust her.... to her, i guess i can only say "thank you very much! and sorry at the same time!"

between me and star:
star... is special... although i dunnoe her for very long, i feel attracted to her (even more than C)... i told her that if given the chance, i will create a fairytale with her! i still remember the first time i talked to her properly was when she was crying at the stairs... I approach her with a tissue... *then chemistry~~~ (tissues and tears probably are very good catalyse)

she always asked me to study... muz pass all my exams! must study hard! she is actually very demanding and stubborn... in fact, she is a taurus! hahaha... might have something to do with her personality huh? hehehe... "p

you wont believe how well things between me and her were... until jessica gone crazy for the second time... it was like.... I dropped millions of kilometres from heaven into hell! how can things change so quickly? i dun understand...

to her... i also dunnoe what to say... I know she is very pressured by the whole situation... and she said she cant take it anymore... so i cant really talk to her... nor can i see her for the time being... it's just that, i dun understand why is she living her life for jessica.... i'm sure things are even more complicating than i thought it is... and since she doesnt wanna talk about it... i also cant do anything... *btw she has a bf...

to think about all the things we had done together (all classified information!)... it's really kinda crazy... how come love can turn out to be so complicating??? the thing is... we both love each other (not sure about her until she can use the word "love")... but in this current situation, there's really nothing that we can do.... HECK! I cant even talk to her... how can the problem be solved? I wish star will understand how much it kills me... just not to see her smile for one day...

between me and 59
like i always said, "how can i live without 59?" hahaha... unit 59's people are all very friendly... i really think that it's my honour to meet the guys in 59... nice people are hard to come by! they have been very supportive... "they got my back!" ahahahaha... "p

i'm living with 59 for the time being... just to give myself some space so that i can concentrate better (opps! have i not mentioned? it's exam period!)... and it kinda work a little... i really did manage to concentrate a bit more...

59's PR, rainbow, on the other hand... doesnt quite like my current situation... she probably find it childish... running away from home because of a girl? how stupid is that? lol... i dunnoe... maybe it's because she is a girl, so she dun quite understand how guys think? maybe she is too cold-blooded? hahahaha... "p or maybe she just simply dun understand how complicating the whole situation is.... anyway, she's really nice lah! she helped me alot!

between me and my family
when J gone crazy for the 2nd time... me, too, went crazy! =.=" how irrational can i be? hahaha... I called my mum and told her that i feel like going home... i dun wanna take the exams in perth... i can take them in msia! just wanna run away from this place...

my mum, of course & as usual, is worried... my bro, of course, ask me "how come you so smart, then do these kinda stuffs?" my sister, as usual, says i'm stupid! my dad, as i expected, so angry that wants to disown me as his son... isnt it kinda stupid? I knew this is going to happen, yet i stubbornly did it! =.=" well... i guess i just need some time to cool down...

my dad has panned everything out for me... he bought me a car and a house! even b4 I go back! how nice is that? yet to think of it that I actually disappointed him by saying that kinda stuffs... my mum, always have high hopes on me... turned out i was her biggest disappointment... sigh...

well... i guess things will be better someday... hopefully!

what i'm doing/thinking now:
I know! i should be studyin! but i have already study almost non-stop, other than eating time, for more than 12 hours! i need a break lah... it's 7am in the morning now! i'm gonna deliver my promise to star... and hopefully she will keep her promise... have been trying to concentrate, but failed miserably... =.="

staying at 59 has been really nice... all the support and stuffs like that... makes you feel like home... (although it kills me not to see her... I have to look at her from far... through the window... from somewhere she cant see me... or else god knows what is gonna happen again... =.=) to the people of 59, all i can say is that i really appreciate what you guys are doing for me... it's been really a pleasure to meet all of you!

I really hope J can be not so damn self-fish and think only of the attention she wants from people... and please... stop interfering... we are all adults... we can handle our own things... the more you come in, the more complicating it gets... adding on to that, i also dun trust what you all say... *includes crescent.... there are too much lies... dunnoe what to do with you all lah... haiz...... all i want is be with star... create my fairytale... live happily forever after... (i bet J will say that i'm crazy! so does everyone else! hahaha... "p)

for Mr. K.... i dun think he did all those stuffs on purpose... and i really still wanna be friend with him... despite my warning to him about how complicating the situation is, he still wanna step in and makes things even more complicating... i really dunnoe what to sia... anyway, after all the things that happen recently, i think i really need some time to recover... i know we will always be friends... just a question of "what kinda friend?"

For my family.... i guess there isnt anything that i can say... except "sorry... for letting you all worry... and disappointing you all..." well, time prove everything all over again... I really love my family despite of the havoc we could come up with sometimes... hahaha...

as for star... i'm definately sure that i'm in love... kinda sure about her side (although not confirm until she can tell that to me herself)... i guess i cant say anything because she will be under pressure again... I just hope that she knows how much love i have put in... the time i spent with her was absolutely incredible... yes... i knew it... i love her....

phew~ long essay! time to go back to work! moonlight has to concentrate!

*special thanks to all the people who have been very supportive! (including my neighbour Ms D! although i didnt talk about you, doesnt means i forget you! "p)

**Disclaimer: everything here are in general terms... not full + whole story because it's too complicating and long!

2007-06-13T09:52:00.000+08:00

that's all us after clubbing. i was too hungry.

bobby and keane.

jess and rach

at joondalup train station at 10pm.

so for hisham's sake, my blog isn't going to close. however, i just don't have the time to blog like before. the last week has been a whirlwind. all of us at 21B Lakeside Drive have been feeling the heat, pressure and tension. rach canoodling bobby, i feeling jealous and poor keane doesn't even get the chance. not many know what happened last monday, but i shan't say it here because its a personal matter. u know i feel so sorry for keane and bobby. the gravity of the situation can be lifted but i guess bobby's headhardedness is even stronger than i thought. i love bobby, with all my heart and i can't say much for keane because i don't know him well. bobby is my neighbour and i care for him. he's caring, compassionate but why be so terribly stubborn?

i know he is pissed off at me. for god knows what reason. but that's ok. if he wants to rant at me, let him go ahead. i guess after all this days, he needs to let off steam. but i just hope, that before he graduates, that he and keane will be friends again. no point losing your friendship over my silly best friend who hasn't been here barely a week. and u wanna know the worse part? rach thinks she's in the middle of all this. but nooo. she should have stopped and steered away all this. none of this would have happened, if she had stronger resistance towards bobby. besides she knows how i feel whenever she's with bobby. bobby and i had a history together, and yet she still does this. i believed, and even i told ray this, all this could be stopped. its just a matter of how much she is willing to go for bobby.

but the thing is, today is the 13th, and i'm tired. i'm sick and tired of seeing bobby coming to my place canoodling rachel, it defeats the purpose of coming here. bobby, let there be a reason why you come to my place. let it be like before, you know, come here, watch a movie with gail and i. we miss the old times. now you've changed, its not a good thing hon. its not. but gail wants you back the old way, and so do i. and i know that keane feels the same way too. we're losing you and we want so much but to help you. but you're not allowing us too.

bobby, remember this, fix your priorities. i know keane needs you and so do all of us. i know you're pissed at me, and i'm perfectly fine with it. but you should know better bobby than to heed the message that i texted you on sunday night. always remember, that despite the grudges you bear against me and your better judgement, i love you. like the past the present and the future, you'll always remain as my wonderful neighbour. and i just hope that the things between you and keane would be remedied. as for rachel, let her be. i'm too tired to talk to her anymore.

this blog is reopening and i apologise if i have been out of sorts all week. sorry for the late post, and i hope you guys have a good wednesday.

with love

2007-06-05T06:33:00.000+08:00

i'm hardheaded. stubborn. mean. envious. easy jealous. thick skin. a person who proves things with supported evidence. fighter. a complainer

what you're looking here are my negative attributes that have been imbedded in me for so long

underneath, and i'm sure my friends will vouch for this

i'm sweet. generous. caring. understanding. always willing to give advise. compassionate. always wiling to help out a helpless friend in need.

that's my interior that is architected in me.

but you don't see it. you chose to see the outside, because you're one of those people who just judge books by its cover.

thank you for releasing whatever angst you had of me. i'm glad you told me your feeling about me. 5 mins in your room was exactly what i needed to just hold my temper in and absorbed whatever information you had to tell me.

but what i don't understand is, how is it that a nice caring person just like yourself come out to be so oblivious and mean? do you know even know why i hate you? because you hate me. if i really did hate you so much, why would i even bother to pay for your bill? wait for the tech to come and fix your phone? bring in your mail? say hello to you, when all you do is shunned me away? bobby..you know better. but you chose to not know me better and just stuck to what you see on the outside of me.

yesterday i was hurt. you said keane and god knows whats-his-name hates me because of how i spoke? you guys hate me because i'm talkative? that's proposterous because i don't even know them well, and they're so quick to make judgements. and you, you said that it is your "responsibility" to make me safe. really? if you want to keep me safe, don't hate me and my personality. what is the use of keeping me safe from strangers when you are ignoring me on a day to day basis. being safe, means you keep a person from harm, and that doesn't include hurling and bitching about me to your friends. i'd rather get killed from those strangers than to be silently "killed" by you.

on saturday, i never ever asked you to follow me go find for taxis. you knew i was capable. if u hated me and my personality so much, why the hell did you even follow me? you said "it was your responisbility to keep me safe because you wanted me home safe so as to bring a smile to my mother's face". oh god, that was so utter bullshit.

i know you hate me. and that's fine. people are entitled to hate people. but don't be nice when you hate them, because it just confuses them and at the same time it makes you a fucking hypocrite.

and so you chose to hurt me yesterday. you knew i was upset. i went to your room to settle scores but you chose to comfort my best friend, leaving me in your room. just so you know, you and your friends have ruined everything rach and i planned. we have yet to settle everything. you had your say, but i didnt. but since you're not brave enough to take it as a man, than i hope reading this post would open your eyes to see how i feel about this situation.

i don't hate you. i just dislike the fact that you think the whole universe surrounds you and you and you. you're so self centred and dominating. you think everything's right. i may not know what beliefs you hold, but i'm in no position to critisize. but i do know, that whatever you hold against me, i will keep my distance. if you keep your distance from me and rach. don't ever come near us, speak to us or even be with us. you and your friend's presence are just making things worse. after all she came here for me. not for you guys. so don't ever, i repeat ever, come or speak to me. because from now onwards, you, your friends and rachel, i hope you guys will think about how i feel about this. you have not listened to what i said, but you guys don't mean anything to me. especially rachel. i hope today, when i return home, rachel would have pack her bags and leave.

as of today, this blog is going to close. i'm going into another blog address. rachel isn't in my life anymore and i hope you readers, would understand where i'm coming from.

i just want to say goodbye and farewell and that whatever happens, happens for a reason. and perhaps, this people have finally made me realise that true friends are just plain bullcrap.

goodbye and goodluck.

with love,
jessica

2007-06-03T15:57:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i woke up at 8 thinking that my shift started at 9 but had a call from corrine and she asked me to come in at 11 because andrew started early. i was so pissed off that i thought my head was going to come off. however i still went in at 10, which means i did from 10 till closing, which by the way was exhausting cos there was only me and rikki left. then i took the bus to go home, cos we were going clubbing. initially it was just rach, gail and me going. when i was on the way home, it was rach, gail, denise and me going clubbing. when i reached home, it was gail, denise , rach, bobby and me that was going to the Deens. Wah! I can't believe he came lah. I thought I regretted him coming, but I didn't. He and his friend Keane was the best thing that ever happened this morning. Without them, i don't think i would have surpassed the pain, and being able to travel to the toilet unaided. So denise, gail, rach, bobby and i dressed up, met at 9 and left the house. Bobby stopped at Edgewater to pick Keane up (Keane is sooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuttteee! i mean like he's like the real rare Singapore sweetie pie. He and rach would make a great pair!). I stopped at Stirling to pick Clarice and then leederville to pick Karen up. Tej joined us at the city, cos he was driving.

We went to eat at Maya Masala. Great food. Kinda ex but really tasty. I could eat there any time. After that, we went to the deens. First there was this dick, who tried to aim a beer bottle at me. Fuck, before he could do that, I aimed my beer bottle at him, before i could even hit him, everyone was started restraining me. For your information guys, I was not drunk. I have not drunk a single drip of alcohol when i wanted to do that. But before I could even aim my beer bottle, Tej took the bottle away from me and the security brought the dick outside. I swore I was so angry, I wanted to kick his ass so hard. But after that incident, i felt better. i felt so sorry for the guys though. they were like holding our jackets, handbags and god know what else the girls brought. it took me so long to make them put the stuff down and dance. after like hours of persuading, they finally took our advise and danced. so cute lah, u should see them dance. hahhahaahhahahaha. tejjy my darling didn't even dance lah. stupid ass!

next stop, strip club. ok lets not even go there. there were like guys who were completely smashed and paying more than a grand to see a girl strip in front of them. what the hell right? talk about demoralising the female race! i felt humiliated that girls as beautiful as them, had to throw their body for exchange for money. sighs, i went out and saw keane and bobby. i was like completely throw off. then we went off to eat. after eating, my god, we didn't know whether to go home or wait for the train. but i was so bushed from standing up from work, of course i chose the latter. so we packed our stuff and went home. on the way to the train station, i had terrible menses cramps. bad enough for me to puke and the pains were stabbing me. i felt terrible. i couldn't move. it was so bad. so keane and bobby ran to buy medication and get hot water. oh my god those boys, bless their hearts. and poor bobby had to follow me to the toilet everytime. all the time from clubbing till going home, i felt so sorry for the guys. poor keane had to follow me around because rach was scared i'll get into a fight. then while i was looking for taxis after waiting for 2 hours for the damn taxi(which i gave up calling, cos i found it useless), bobby had to follow me from rydges to his majesty's theatre and the whole street just to look for taxis. all i wanted was to go home because the stupid cramps were killing me.

finally we caught the cab and went home. bobby, oh thank you so much. seriously, for following me, for looking out for me. i know i must have been a real pain in the neck. and seriously, without you, i wouldn't have been able to withstand my urgency to answer nature's call. thank you so much for allowing me to trouble you, and if there was any way for me to repay back whatever you and keane did for me, i would do it in an instant. honestly, the night wouldn't have been safer if both of u weren't around. and i am completely grateful and thankful that you guys came. thank you bobby and keane! (:

i must say, apart from the menses cramps and the horrible fight with the dickhead, i had a pleasant time, and i reckon rachel does feel the same way too. i love perth.

(:

picture will be posted up soon! (:

2007-06-01T07:07:00.000+08:00

first of all i would like to say

yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

exams are over. tests are over. the worse is over. i can now breathe a sigh of relief.

second thing i would like to say

oh my godddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

rachel is coming in 5hoursssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

oh my sweetest best friend is coming down to be with me for 3 whole weeks!!! i'm so excited!!! oh the fun things, here we come!

agenda when rach is here

top of the list : strip club and clubbing
harbourtown
freo
shopping
drinking
smoking weed (better call shamil. he's the sweetest thing to be around with. he's also my jim beam khaki!)
more shopping
strip club
movies
movies
oh my god, i can't think of anything else because i can't think straight.

i just can't wait for her to come.

last thing is i get to work everyday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

more work means more pay means more spending money

oooo...i am such a retard!

and i miss my malaysian boy already, he's going to singapore for awhile and then he's off to KL for a month. LEE JIALIANG! I HEART YOU MY GAY BOY!!!

and i am already missing GRACE. my right-hand girl. now i don't know who will spice up my life. i love you gracie!!!!!!!!

amy's going to travel around the world, and she leaves next week. sighs...i am so going to miss her horny shit! AMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY....i love you tooo!!!

my movie khakis left yesterday for Oman and Burma. I'm going to miss Nee my studying partner and Hussein the guy with the eyelashes-to-kill badly. I MISS YOU ALREADY THE BOTH OF YOU. but nee is coming back in 2 weeks (:

sighs....so many have left but hey! there's still rach

i'm so anticipating for the weeks ahead.

yeehawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

2007-05-28T07:25:00.000+08:00

i so give up on people who are so hardheaded and stubborn. this two attributes can really destroy your life. you will realise that you won't have friends, and when you start being so mean and assertive towards people, just count how many friends you have left. i'm exhausted from helping people who are stubborn, because that will only make my sanity go bonkers.

sighs, and the bitching! good lord, i don't fathom why people wanna bitch about other people? i'm sick of hearing stupid things. people ridicule people, writing such obscure language in their blogs. don't they know, that people have feelings too?

sighs...i admit, i'm in one of those crazy moods. its the exams that are giving me all sorts of funny behaviours.

and lee thinks i've got amazing set of breasts.

i might go into an inferior complex because of him. but i still heart him anyhoos.

hahahhahahaahhahahahahahaha

xoxoxoxooxxooxoxoxox

agenda for today

study
study
study
study
eat
eat
eat
eat
eat

2007-05-25T08:54:00.000+08:00

winter is fast approaching.the weather dreary, the bright skies dissapear at 4pm and of course, the cold wind gushes in and dampens my mood. bleak feeling, heaters and electric blankets now surround my house keeping my sister and i warm. every night, its toasted bread and warm coffee before tucking ourselves into bed. whilst my parents are having their time of their lives in what i call their romantic honeymoon in europe, my sister and i are miserably keeping ourselves amuse to the numerous amounts of DVDS we've borrowed from Blockbusters, to keep us from being annoyed. My malaysian guy is going back to malaysia, and whatever will i do without him? However, Rach is coming down to perth to keep old Jess company, which is great. Cos our church is celebrating christmas in June. It sounds stupid because we are at the wrong season at the wrong hemisphere, however, the trees are up. ANZ bank has their christmas trees up.

I'm going to miss perth badly once gail graduates cos i'm flocking my wings and off to France I'll be. Considering i've been here for 4 years, I must say, this is my second home.

I miss my father and mother as I write.

I want christmas to come soon. So i can kiss the love of my life under the mistletoe. romantic?

ahahahahahahha. i wish

2007-05-22T07:51:00.000+08:00

to me you are perfect. it just that you've never seen your own personality. you think you are thin, fat, stupid, poor or whatever adjective you've used to describe yourself, but to me, you're like a star shining bright in the night sky, you're like the biggest lemon in a lemon tree, in a big crowd, only your smile makes my knees go weak.

honey, everytime you tell me something negative about yourself, my heart breaks into pieces. everytime you talk about the love of your life, my heart shatters into a thousand pieces. however, everytime i look at your picture, and i smile. because i know if i wait long enough, you will be mine.

as for now, my wasted heart will always love you.

that's all i can say

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

exams are so around the corner and i'm proscrastinating, sleeping early, lepak-ing. my god i'm like so relaxed. if i don't get my act together, i will be failing all my units. lol. i can't do that man. my parents will kick my ass all the way to singapore, besides if i fail i won't be eligible for the exchange program. sighs, i hate credits

agenda for today

-go to uni, get textbook off achi
-study like hell
-study like hell
-sleep
-maybe, watch a bit of dvd
-NO MSN

hope all goes well for me. i miss lauren giudicatti.

(:

2007-05-20T14:42:00.000+08:00

came across an email my pops sent me this morning. this is a real way to brighten up my Sunday morning. not brighten but scared the living shit out of me.

and i'm telling you. i have read the bible and sure,

it did scare the living crap out of me.

it talks about all the consipiracies and what will happen in hell if you commit many mortal sins. just thinking of it gives me the heebie jeebies. i'm too sinful its about time i repent and forgive all those other people who has trespassed against me.

i'm scared

*runs to mommy*

2007-05-17T21:28:00.000+08:00

i have decided to go into an student exchange programme. i am only eligible for one course. nursing. which is terrible,because only a few universities in this world offers nursing as a bachelors degree. if i were to do health sciences as a major, just think of how many universities would accept me. however, here are the universities that offer nursing, and i have narrowed down my search to this 4

1) university of verona, italy [school of medicine and surgery]
2) arizona state university, USA[school of health sciences]
3) california state university, Sacremento, USA[school of nursing]
4) University of Miami, USA[school of nursing]

after looking at the different websites and a heavy discussion with my parents, i have decided to pick Italy because of its fine cuisine and authencity which I reckon would enlighten me. I have always been fascinated of Rome and the tower of pisa, and the works of pasta and of course, the handsome and fine Italian men. Who wouldn't resist? Plus if i do have to study in America, i might have to invest in a gun( thats what everyone told me). besides america is too much of a hustle bustle lifestyle for me. i like peace and calm. University of Verona, await my arrival. Feb 2008 for a semester!

anyways, i am missing singapore so much, i am not kidding anymore. part of me just want to pack all my stuff now and go home where the doctors can fix my viral fever and i can just live off my parents and lepak with friends, which i doubt i would because my social life is hardly active in singapore. all i do is call a few friends, cancel their meetings because i'm off to work.

i like perth because i get the perks. freedom. foxtel. phone line. internet. work. well i love work at etp, which is why part of me just want to go home. i miss the hectic workstyle there. i miss talking to my manager, i've always preferred working with a male boss. they seem nicer and less nastier than female bosses. my subway boss is female and she can be a total $%^&* but mashoor on the other hand, he maybe serious, but he's just a gentle giant overall. the contrast of working with a man and a woman. i have seen the great difference.

i am contemplating whether i should go to work tommorrow. should i or shouldn't i? maybe i should, and if i can't hack it, i'll just take a detour back home. i feel sick to the bones.

i just need someone who can cuddle me and cook for me.

yes. i need that very much.

ooo and i would kill for some cheesecake from starbucks.

yummerzzz

2007-05-16T19:03:00.000+08:00

if i had just one wish in the world,i wanna be treated as a princess. wearing victorian dresses, dancing with my knight in shining armour to the way i look tonight, standing by the pond and whispering sweet nothings to my knight, going into a carriage, and lastly eloping (because i know he will be damn handsome with a heart of gold).

but all that belongs to hans christian's imagination and not mine. i just wanna live in fantasy but reality sets and yup, its work like cinderella, study like albert einstein and i'm living in a world where money is more important than love.

"Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale."
-Hans Christian Anderson

why is life just so darn complicated?

*grimace*

flatter me people. i'm just sick at the moment. oh another thing, i've just read pride and prejudice. amazing read! greatly recommended.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife"
-Jane Austen

2007-05-13T12:09:00.000+08:00

sometimes the last person you want to be with......

is someone you can't leave without.

is it just simply love or pride?

perhaps its just my figmant of imagination.

i hope you know, that whatever feelings i have for you, was unintentional but pure. i believed we connected the moment we saw each other. my affections has never stopped because of our little trivial argument but it has stopped because we realised how much we were meant to be together. it wasn't picked by us but by the universe. please do realise, how much i feel for you today and everyday i see you.

"You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."

-Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice

2007-05-12T21:57:00.000+08:00

I've never met you, yet never doubt, dear
I can't forget you, I've thought you out, dear
I know your profile and I know the way you kiss,
just the things I miss on a night like this
If dreams are made of imagination
I'm not afraid of my own creation
With all my heart, my heart is here for you to take
Why should I quake? I'm not awake

Isn't it romantic?

Music in the night, a dream that can be heard

Isn't it romantic?

Moving shadows write the oldest magic word
I hear the breezes playing in the trees above while all the world is saying you were meant for love

Isn't it romantic?

merely to be young on such a night as this?

Isn't it romantic?

Every note that's sung is like a lover's kiss
Sweet symbols in the moonlight,
do you mean that I will fall in love per chance?

Isn't it romance?

My face is glowing, I'm energetic
The art of sewing I found poetic
My needle punctuates the rhythm of romance
I don't give a stitch if I don't get rich
A custom tailor who has no custom is like a sailor, no one will trust 'em
But there is magic in the music of my shears
I shed no tears, lend me your ears

Isn't it romantic?

Soon I will have found some boy that I adore
Isn't it romantic?
While I sit around my love can scrub the floor
He'll kiss me every hour or he'll get the sack and when I take a shower he can scrub my back

Isn't it romantic?

On a moonlight night he'll cook me onion soup
Kiddies are romantic and if we don't fight we soon will have a troupe
We'll help the population, it's a duty that we owe to "dear old France"

Isn't it romantic?

give me the simple life

2007-05-09T19:01:00.000+08:00

When You're Gone Lyrics

2007-05-06T07:04:00.000+08:00

agenda for today

churchvfor mass
amy's house to fix her plasma tv
meet paul for a movie (maybe spiderman, again?)
meet grace to sign up her mobile phone plan
go back to amy's house to study
study and revise presentation notes
sleep

rather mundane, aye? wells, all work, no play makes jess a dull girl.

lee's right. i suck.

2007-05-05T10:27:00.000+08:00

do you know how hard it is when i have to leave someone i love so dearly behind?

it wasn't easy for me. seven hours on air, i only thought of him.

but its alright. i'll always love him like i love no other. and i'm not going to give up. i was devastated when i found out his heart found another, and then broken again. my heart breaks when i heard that. and i pray for him, that he will find happiness and resume back to his happyself.

i don't wanna be with him, because i feel its not fair because he doesn't feel the way i feel about him. but, all i want is for him to be happy and always to know, that i'll always love him and that he can confide in me whenever he needs a shoulder to cry on.

"True love lasts a lifetime."
-Karen from the film Love Actually

2007-05-04T07:59:00.000+08:00

i got the job at subway, like finally. akila was giving me tips on the possible questions to what they would ask me. i swore if they asked me to clean the toilets, my face will cringe and crumple like an old grandma, but akila told me to embrace it with gusto. however they didn't ask me that. hallelujah! but i am on a probation period which is great but the downfall is, the pay is lower. so now i'm being paid $15 an hour, once my probation period is over, its $18 an hour. i get free food and i only get to work twice a week. which is great, cos i start in the morning and end in the afternoon which leaves me time to study. my mum isn't too keen on this but my dad was all for it. to all my friends and readers, thank you for your prayers. it finally got answered!

so as a celebration on getting my first well paid job in aust, akila and my bunch of friends decided to give me a treat at the movies. so we watched spiderman 3. joelle warned it could get a bit tad boring during the film, however, it was substantially all action a bit of romance except for a few parts of betrayal(which was SAUCCYY!!), as such, i only found the last part interesting and important. it talks about how love can conquer through everything. it taught ME that no matter how much trouble, or friendships i've broken, love overtake us and reunites us. like at the last part of the movie, harry osborn(peter's best friend who turned his back on peter because he thought peter killed his father) finally felt that he should help peter kill the sandman and bad spiderman to save mary jane. just the help itself spoke a thousand words; before harry died, his last words were "its alright peter. we are best friends. that's what friends are for."

it sure was an action pack movie, but there was an element of love and friendship. i recommend it.

Peter Parker: I don't need your help.
Mary Jane Watson: Everybody needs help. Even Spider-Man.

2007-05-02T18:03:00.000+08:00

i finally have a job interview at subway innaloo.

please pray that i'll get the job.

pray pray and pray

2007-05-01T18:09:00.000+08:00

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "i love you"
Birds singin’ in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me
While I’m alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I’m longin’ to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars shining up above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "i love you"
Birds singin’ in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Yes, dream a little dream of me